It has been a crazy summer, one filled with a lot of ups and downs: we got another dog (a sweet Labrador-cross from the local shelter), my mother suffered a mild stroke, more tragedies with missing airplanes and more unrest (Iran and China), Michael Jackson died... well, the last bit shouldn't even be on the same line as the others but he's still an icon who has played an influential role in my childhood. I will miss him.
As for the egg donation with T, it's all coming along nicely. Tickets are booked and arrangements made for the short trip in London. I am strangely excited to meet T - it will be such an honour to meet this wonderful woman who trusts me enough to have my eggs fertilized with her husband's sperm and then put into her womb. Sometimes when I look at this from another angle, it's just so mind-boggling. The wonders of science indeed.
I feel very positive about this particular donation to T, like I said in my previous post, partly because this is an open donation. T has been very open with this right from the very beginning, telling me all about herself and her family. I found it refreshing and somehow knowing that she is so open about this, gives me a sense of security that there will not be any drama later on in the child's life. Because the child will grow up knowing about me and my gift for T, she will not get a nasty shock when she suddenly finds out and starts her search for all the answers.
Less than two weeks before my trip to London. Ohh I am getting quite excited!
Friday, 17 July 2009
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
confirmation from all fronts
Dr C has been away the last week or two so T didn't get a confirmation that she will do the first half of the egg donation procedure with me till yesterday evening. Now that she has confirmed in writing, we are all set to go!
I will be arriving London on 30 July with all appointments fixed on 31 July, Friday. There will first be a session with the counsellor at 11am, followed by the appointment with the doctor at 1pm. The latter will also include the whole she-bang of tests - transvaginal ultrasound, blood tests (for Rubella, Hep B&C, HIV, etc). So it's back to being prodded and poked again. How fun.
The procedure will then begin once my period arrives in August which means it's back to Dr C's for a few days, and the final trip to London for the second half of the treatment. The egg retrieval will be done in London and I will then fly back home to Hong Kong about two days after. Hopefully there will be no agonizing aftermath. While the memory of the awful cramps and heartburn from the first egg donation has almost receded to the dark corners of my brain, it is still painful enough for me to want to avoid it as much as possible.
Otherwise, I am very much looking forward to meeting T. This is a new experience for me as it will be an open egg donation: I will meet T and her family and I believe we will keep in touch for many years to come. T is also open to me meeting her child(ren) from my donated egg(s) so it's all pretty exciting. I have a lot of thoughts on this but it will take a longer blog post so I shall save this for another day.
I will be arriving London on 30 July with all appointments fixed on 31 July, Friday. There will first be a session with the counsellor at 11am, followed by the appointment with the doctor at 1pm. The latter will also include the whole she-bang of tests - transvaginal ultrasound, blood tests (for Rubella, Hep B&C, HIV, etc). So it's back to being prodded and poked again. How fun.
The procedure will then begin once my period arrives in August which means it's back to Dr C's for a few days, and the final trip to London for the second half of the treatment. The egg retrieval will be done in London and I will then fly back home to Hong Kong about two days after. Hopefully there will be no agonizing aftermath. While the memory of the awful cramps and heartburn from the first egg donation has almost receded to the dark corners of my brain, it is still painful enough for me to want to avoid it as much as possible.
Otherwise, I am very much looking forward to meeting T. This is a new experience for me as it will be an open egg donation: I will meet T and her family and I believe we will keep in touch for many years to come. T is also open to me meeting her child(ren) from my donated egg(s) so it's all pretty exciting. I have a lot of thoughts on this but it will take a longer blog post so I shall save this for another day.
Thursday, 21 May 2009
changes galore
Oh well, I knew it was wishful thinking to have everything planned accordingly to my schedule. T emailed to say that the clinic can only accommodate me on 31 July for the first consultation. That is a good 1.5 months away!
At least that gives me some time to get all my travel plans sorted, and also time to build up my strength and stamina (aiming to complete the 50km run/hike next February!), eat well, and produce healthy eggs for T :)
At least that gives me some time to get all my travel plans sorted, and also time to build up my strength and stamina (aiming to complete the 50km run/hike next February!), eat well, and produce healthy eggs for T :)
Friday, 15 May 2009
all set to go
After a lull in the egg donation arrangements with T, I finally got the email that started a flurry of events. T's clinic has agreed to let me do half the treatment with Dr C and the other half with them in London, including the egg retrieval. I'm just really glad that I don't have to spend two full weeks in the UK and that at least I have a familiar doctor who understands my ovaries + follicles. That's a huge relief!
So it's now planning, planning and more planning. I have to make an initial trip to the UK to see T's doctors - Dr T and Dr G. After doing some research (thanks Mr Google) I know that T's clinic is a very large one and has some of the highest success rates in IVF and ICSI in the UK. However, Dr T is quite controversial as he is one of the highest paid IVF doctor (think millions and millions of sterling pound), had several run-ins with the fertility authority and not every patient who has seen him likes him. I take this with a pinch of salt; after all, a doctor of such prominence and who sees thousands of patients a month will surely not be liked by every single one of them, eh?
The dates are tentatively set on 17-21 June, giving me two full days to visit the clinic for the full range of tests I have to undergo (more pokes and prods, how exciting) and another two days to visit family and friends. Hopefully when I'm there the London weather will be kind enough for me to have a ice-cold Pimms at a pub and not look weird drinking it.
The actual treatment should take place some time in July/August. The sooner the better, I suppose. I have another diving holiday in October and I certainly don't want it to be a repeat of the last egg donation when I was bleeding so heavily.
Friday again! Bliss.
So it's now planning, planning and more planning. I have to make an initial trip to the UK to see T's doctors - Dr T and Dr G. After doing some research (thanks Mr Google) I know that T's clinic is a very large one and has some of the highest success rates in IVF and ICSI in the UK. However, Dr T is quite controversial as he is one of the highest paid IVF doctor (think millions and millions of sterling pound), had several run-ins with the fertility authority and not every patient who has seen him likes him. I take this with a pinch of salt; after all, a doctor of such prominence and who sees thousands of patients a month will surely not be liked by every single one of them, eh?
The dates are tentatively set on 17-21 June, giving me two full days to visit the clinic for the full range of tests I have to undergo (more pokes and prods, how exciting) and another two days to visit family and friends. Hopefully when I'm there the London weather will be kind enough for me to have a ice-cold Pimms at a pub and not look weird drinking it.
The actual treatment should take place some time in July/August. The sooner the better, I suppose. I have another diving holiday in October and I certainly don't want it to be a repeat of the last egg donation when I was bleeding so heavily.
Friday again! Bliss.
Friday, 8 May 2009
stop-gap measure
Since there's really nothing exciting to blog about - at least nothing related to egg donation, I thought I'll put up the long-due ultrasound picture of my ovaries. This was scanned after the egg retrieval when my follicles were still puffy and enlarged, and while I was gritting my teeth and putting up with the worst cramps and heartburn ever. Gosh, I'd almost forgotten those days of misery!
On another note, it's Friday! Happy days.
On another note, it's Friday! Happy days.
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
it's a waiting game..
It's not that I have been too lazy to update my blog but there's just nothing to report. It's quiet from T's end because they are still getting clarity on the egg donation process - am I able to do half the process in HK with Dr C and have the egg retreival in the UK? It seems like her doctor wants control of everything, which I can understand why, but for situations like mine certainly some degree of flexibility can be exercised?
On another note, it's a brilliant week in Hong Kong, weather-wise. What a rare day it is to wake up to sunshine and blue skies, cool weather (20 degrees celsius), a soft breeze.. and then my grin can only get wider when I see the weather forecast's prediciton of an entire week of "fine" days. I find it harder and harder to resist the temptation to leave the office cubicle and make a trip to Shek O for some surfing!
On another note, it's a brilliant week in Hong Kong, weather-wise. What a rare day it is to wake up to sunshine and blue skies, cool weather (20 degrees celsius), a soft breeze.. and then my grin can only get wider when I see the weather forecast's prediciton of an entire week of "fine" days. I find it harder and harder to resist the temptation to leave the office cubicle and make a trip to Shek O for some surfing!
Sunday, 19 April 2009
other donor blogs and compensation for eggs
Thanks to @asianeggdonor, I have been devouring as many egg donor blogs as I could read in the last couple of hours. They are such an invaluable tool to help other egg donors start out on their wonderful journey.
One common theme that runs through most of the blogs is compensation. The donors in the U.S. are usually compensated (sometimes quite handsomely) for their time and effort to undergo this process. I have to insert a disclaimer here that I'm definitely not against monetary compensation in exchange for donating eggs but it is illegal for anyone in Hong Kong to sell their eggs/sperm so it is decidedly not an option for me. Of course it will be nice if I can get a bit of monetary compensation for the frequent visits to the clinic, the discomfort from the ultrasounds and injections and the risk of the surgery, but I know deep down it is all about giving something priceless to a couple who yearns to hold a little one in their arms.
I have touched on this issue before, and understandably, it can be a little weird for someone to spend so much time and effort to give up a part of herself without expecting anything in return. Like this (rather self-serving) blogger from the U.S. wrote:
"...surely one wouldn't expect (very many) egg donors to endure some-odd ten weeks of drugs, injections, specifically-timed doctor visits, egg retrieval under general anesthesia, and lost income during this period out of sheer altruism. While I could see doing such a thing for, say, one's own sister, I would kind of wonder about the mental health (or potential martyr complex?) of anyone who volunteered to do such a thing for a stranger -- what is it that this person really wants back? I think you might be getting some crazy-lady genes for your baby. How nice!"
I laughed out loud when I first read it, and I'm still laughing now. It just reminds me how pathetically human we all are - if it doesn't benefit me, why bother at all? But don't you forget, there are millions of people who put aside a part of their monthly paycheck and donate it to the tens of thousands of charities worldwide. A modest sum is automatically debited from my credit card every month and goes straight to two charities: WWF and World Vision. Every once in a while, I dig deeper and donate more to other charities like Save the Sharks. I do this without even thinking of what I will get in return for my altruism. It's not as if a tiger shark will personally swim up to me in my next dive trip and say 'thank you very much for the US$100 you donated, it certainly helped prevent 'em greedy fishermen from finning my wife's sexy dorsal fin', and then do a menacing pose for me to capture on my camera, although I have to admit if a shark did that, I would be SO thrilled. And similarly for the monthly donation to WWF and World Vision, I don't expect pandas to send me a thank you note written with bamboo stalks nor the 8 year-old Nepalese girl that I am "supporting" to give me intricately-made Thanka art pieces.
So is it that difficult to imagine someone who would give her eggs to a stranger for free? Instead of donating money, I'm donating my time and a part of myself. I reckon it's pretty much the same as going to the local dog shelter and volunteering to clean the kennels and walk the dogs every week. The only thing I get in return are the happy dogs greeting me with licks on my hands and the gratifying satisfaction that I have made a difference.
Just reading this entry from a fellow egg donor makes me want to donate my eggs again and again:
"Actually, the other day when I was in for my ultrasound and blood, another patient was in the adjoining room. She must have gotten bad news cause she wailed and sobbed for a good 10 minutes...so loudly that my heart broke for her. I think that's the sound a mother makes when she loses a child. I hope whoever she is, she is able to pick up the pieces and move on to try again. My heart goes out to her. For those that come to my blog to find out if it's the money that drives us--no. If you had been there that morning...you would know it couldn't be about the money. It's about stopping that cry. It's about tears of joy instead of sadness and loss..."
That's some eggs for thought to get you through Monday..
One common theme that runs through most of the blogs is compensation. The donors in the U.S. are usually compensated (sometimes quite handsomely) for their time and effort to undergo this process. I have to insert a disclaimer here that I'm definitely not against monetary compensation in exchange for donating eggs but it is illegal for anyone in Hong Kong to sell their eggs/sperm so it is decidedly not an option for me. Of course it will be nice if I can get a bit of monetary compensation for the frequent visits to the clinic, the discomfort from the ultrasounds and injections and the risk of the surgery, but I know deep down it is all about giving something priceless to a couple who yearns to hold a little one in their arms.
I have touched on this issue before, and understandably, it can be a little weird for someone to spend so much time and effort to give up a part of herself without expecting anything in return. Like this (rather self-serving) blogger from the U.S. wrote:
"...surely one wouldn't expect (very many) egg donors to endure some-odd ten weeks of drugs, injections, specifically-timed doctor visits, egg retrieval under general anesthesia, and lost income during this period out of sheer altruism. While I could see doing such a thing for, say, one's own sister, I would kind of wonder about the mental health (or potential martyr complex?) of anyone who volunteered to do such a thing for a stranger -- what is it that this person really wants back? I think you might be getting some crazy-lady genes for your baby. How nice!"
I laughed out loud when I first read it, and I'm still laughing now. It just reminds me how pathetically human we all are - if it doesn't benefit me, why bother at all? But don't you forget, there are millions of people who put aside a part of their monthly paycheck and donate it to the tens of thousands of charities worldwide. A modest sum is automatically debited from my credit card every month and goes straight to two charities: WWF and World Vision. Every once in a while, I dig deeper and donate more to other charities like Save the Sharks. I do this without even thinking of what I will get in return for my altruism. It's not as if a tiger shark will personally swim up to me in my next dive trip and say 'thank you very much for the US$100 you donated, it certainly helped prevent 'em greedy fishermen from finning my wife's sexy dorsal fin', and then do a menacing pose for me to capture on my camera, although I have to admit if a shark did that, I would be SO thrilled. And similarly for the monthly donation to WWF and World Vision, I don't expect pandas to send me a thank you note written with bamboo stalks nor the 8 year-old Nepalese girl that I am "supporting" to give me intricately-made Thanka art pieces.
So is it that difficult to imagine someone who would give her eggs to a stranger for free? Instead of donating money, I'm donating my time and a part of myself. I reckon it's pretty much the same as going to the local dog shelter and volunteering to clean the kennels and walk the dogs every week. The only thing I get in return are the happy dogs greeting me with licks on my hands and the gratifying satisfaction that I have made a difference.
Just reading this entry from a fellow egg donor makes me want to donate my eggs again and again:
"Actually, the other day when I was in for my ultrasound and blood, another patient was in the adjoining room. She must have gotten bad news cause she wailed and sobbed for a good 10 minutes...so loudly that my heart broke for her. I think that's the sound a mother makes when she loses a child. I hope whoever she is, she is able to pick up the pieces and move on to try again. My heart goes out to her. For those that come to my blog to find out if it's the money that drives us--no. If you had been there that morning...you would know it couldn't be about the money. It's about stopping that cry. It's about tears of joy instead of sadness and loss..."
That's some eggs for thought to get you through Monday..
more logistical hurdles to clear
I certainly didn't expect the second donation to be this laborious to manage. First of all, because T is based in London I have to set up a phone call for both Dr C and her to speak. They managed to connect on Thursday evening and discussed the options for the procedure such as doing the entire treatment in Hong Kong or in the UK, or splitting it (injections/ultrasounds done in HK and egg retrieval done in the UK).
To complicate things, there is a law in Hong Kong which states that only three "live birth events" are allowed from one donor. A "live birth event" is defined as an event of birth in Hong Kong of one or more than one live child from a single pregnancy (so twins and multiples are still considered as one live birth). But according to Dr C, if the embryo transfer is done in Hong Kong it will be considered a "live birth event" regardless of where the baby is eventually born! So if T chooses to do the embryo transfer in Hong Kong, it will add to the number of "live birth events" that is allowed for my donated eggs. I suppose the implications of this isn't of any significant importance - yet. It will only affect my decision to donate for the third time but it's not looking likely at the moment, just because I want my body to have a break from the drugs.
Now, if the transfer happens in the UK I will be required by UK IVF law to have an assessment which means I will have to take a flight to London. It's not a biggie for me especially since I truly enjoy being in England but I doubt I have many leave days left this year to be off from work.
T managed to speak to the egg donation specialist at her clinic yesterday and established that to send the embryos from Hong Kong to the UK will not be the best idea when the alternative is a live transfer in either country. Also, T has certain issues that need to be addressed, e.g. she has high level of cytokines that make her womb hostile to embryos so she needs to be treated before the start of the IVF treatment.
Phew! That's the whole lot to digest for now. I'm just taking this one step at a time and besides, it's really up to T to decide what she wants - whether to do the transfer in Hong Kong or the UK. This is a critical decision as it will mean either one of us will have to spend a considerable time away from home. Like I said, I am definitely not closed to going to London (I was very prepared for it anyway!) but it may get difficult if I have to spend more than a week there.
I have updated on Twitter earlier that T declined to share the donated eggs with H. It was a difficult decision but one that I fully understood - with all these complex issues to clear, there really is no need for another hurdle to be thrown into the mix. T mentioned that Dr C will try to retrieve only 10-15 eggs this time which means there will only be a handful (if at all) which make it to the blastocyst stage. I was actually quite surprised as I thought 20+ eggs is a more decent number; after all, I really don't want to go through all the injections and proddings and blood tests to have no blastocyst at the end!
It has been pissing down with rain in Hong Kong all of Saturday and while it's all pretty glorious to me (I just love the shades of grey in this city), I think it's going to be an awful day for H to realize that she's back to square one with her search for donated eggs. If only there is a way to remove half of all my available eggs in my body all at once and give it to anyone who wants it.
To complicate things, there is a law in Hong Kong which states that only three "live birth events" are allowed from one donor. A "live birth event" is defined as an event of birth in Hong Kong of one or more than one live child from a single pregnancy (so twins and multiples are still considered as one live birth). But according to Dr C, if the embryo transfer is done in Hong Kong it will be considered a "live birth event" regardless of where the baby is eventually born! So if T chooses to do the embryo transfer in Hong Kong, it will add to the number of "live birth events" that is allowed for my donated eggs. I suppose the implications of this isn't of any significant importance - yet. It will only affect my decision to donate for the third time but it's not looking likely at the moment, just because I want my body to have a break from the drugs.
Now, if the transfer happens in the UK I will be required by UK IVF law to have an assessment which means I will have to take a flight to London. It's not a biggie for me especially since I truly enjoy being in England but I doubt I have many leave days left this year to be off from work.
T managed to speak to the egg donation specialist at her clinic yesterday and established that to send the embryos from Hong Kong to the UK will not be the best idea when the alternative is a live transfer in either country. Also, T has certain issues that need to be addressed, e.g. she has high level of cytokines that make her womb hostile to embryos so she needs to be treated before the start of the IVF treatment.
Phew! That's the whole lot to digest for now. I'm just taking this one step at a time and besides, it's really up to T to decide what she wants - whether to do the transfer in Hong Kong or the UK. This is a critical decision as it will mean either one of us will have to spend a considerable time away from home. Like I said, I am definitely not closed to going to London (I was very prepared for it anyway!) but it may get difficult if I have to spend more than a week there.
I have updated on Twitter earlier that T declined to share the donated eggs with H. It was a difficult decision but one that I fully understood - with all these complex issues to clear, there really is no need for another hurdle to be thrown into the mix. T mentioned that Dr C will try to retrieve only 10-15 eggs this time which means there will only be a handful (if at all) which make it to the blastocyst stage. I was actually quite surprised as I thought 20+ eggs is a more decent number; after all, I really don't want to go through all the injections and proddings and blood tests to have no blastocyst at the end!
It has been pissing down with rain in Hong Kong all of Saturday and while it's all pretty glorious to me (I just love the shades of grey in this city), I think it's going to be an awful day for H to realize that she's back to square one with her search for donated eggs. If only there is a way to remove half of all my available eggs in my body all at once and give it to anyone who wants it.
Friday, 17 April 2009
officially a tweeter
I just have to jump on the twitter bandwagon. With the force of social media rising so rapidly, it'll be hard to ignore the strength of the up-and-coming twitter. Forget Facebook, people. It's twitter (for now). Add me @realgoldengoose
Ashton Kutcher (@aplusk) made a bet with CNN (@CNNbrk) a few days ago, challenging the giant news corporation that he will get 1 million followers before CNN does. He faced a mountainous task because he had 842,000 followers while CNN had 921,000 on Monday. Since then, the numbers have gone up up up till just mere minutes ago, Kutcher crossed the line and hit the magical one million mark.
Both sides promised to donate 10,000 mosquito nets to help combat Malaria. Initially Kutcher was simply going to punk CNN founder Ted Turner with the classic "ding, dong, ditch" prank if he wins. I'm personally glad he turned this new elevated platform to serve a good cause. Kutcher also offered his one millionth follower the popular game Guitar Hero (super addictive, I'd say) and this prompted Electronic Arts to jump into the contest and offer the lucky follower a copy of every game it makes in 2009 AND provide him/her a role in the new Sims 3 game. Talk about being immortalized in a videogame!! Ripper.
What does this all mean, anyway? Like Earth Hour, it may seem pointless and almost counter-productive. But by throwing down the gauntlet, Kutcher has showed the world that we, the people, are firmly in control of the Internet. This is the age where we don't need censorship and where we are able to seek information for ourselves, and more often than not, create them. Governments and corporate giants will seek to cover up their hot messes but the truth will always surface. The shift in how people discover, read and share news, information and content has already started - and today Kutcher has used this to raise awareness for a deadly disease and help combat it. Bravo!
Ashton Kutcher (@aplusk) made a bet with CNN (@CNNbrk) a few days ago, challenging the giant news corporation that he will get 1 million followers before CNN does. He faced a mountainous task because he had 842,000 followers while CNN had 921,000 on Monday. Since then, the numbers have gone up up up till just mere minutes ago, Kutcher crossed the line and hit the magical one million mark.
Both sides promised to donate 10,000 mosquito nets to help combat Malaria. Initially Kutcher was simply going to punk CNN founder Ted Turner with the classic "ding, dong, ditch" prank if he wins. I'm personally glad he turned this new elevated platform to serve a good cause. Kutcher also offered his one millionth follower the popular game Guitar Hero (super addictive, I'd say) and this prompted Electronic Arts to jump into the contest and offer the lucky follower a copy of every game it makes in 2009 AND provide him/her a role in the new Sims 3 game. Talk about being immortalized in a videogame!! Ripper.
What does this all mean, anyway? Like Earth Hour, it may seem pointless and almost counter-productive. But by throwing down the gauntlet, Kutcher has showed the world that we, the people, are firmly in control of the Internet. This is the age where we don't need censorship and where we are able to seek information for ourselves, and more often than not, create them. Governments and corporate giants will seek to cover up their hot messes but the truth will always surface. The shift in how people discover, read and share news, information and content has already started - and today Kutcher has used this to raise awareness for a deadly disease and help combat it. Bravo!
Thursday, 16 April 2009
an eff of the ineffable
Wow - what can I say? I'm sure by now most people know who Susan Boyle is. If you don't, please, I implore you, watch this.
If there is only one YouTube video you watch in your lifetime, it has to be this, really!
I was so inspired I actually cried, and I have since watched it another 11 times (and counting...)
Like what Dr. Robert Canfield, a fellow blogger, wrote:
Every once in a while [a] great cultural moment happens. Iconic displays of the human imagination seem always to be unpredictable. But when they happen they reveal something about ourselves to ourselves...
Such a moment has just happened again, only this time it is a little different. A few days ago a 47 year old mentally disabled woman appeared on a talent show in Britain. Someone described her as fumpy. She wore her best dress, something worn earlier to a nephew’s wedding. She had fixed her hair herself. And she came on stage to sing. The hosts and the audience were kind enough, but pervading the whole scenario was a palpable doubt, even condescension, about this woman. She was a pathetic figure, vulnerable. This was an aggressive audience, expressive; they were ready to drive a performer off the stage. The hosts, the talent judges, were clearly dubious. One of the judges asked this woman her name and where she was from. She was Susan Boyle from a small town -- well, a collection of villages, she said. Then he asked what her ambition was. She wanted to be singer. Who would she like to be like?, he asked. Like Elaine Paige. It was easy to regard this woman as tragically unaware of her own limitations, with aspirations that surpassed her ability. And she was now on stage, on TV. Before a huge audience. Here was a disaster in the making. This would be difficult to watch. [all emphasis mine]
The YouTube video was uploaded on 11 April and by the time I watched it (two hours ago), it has been viewed more than 12 million times. Astonishingly, it is watched again and again by the same people - just like I did.
Dr Canfield surmised it most succinctly (yes, only 312 words!) when he wrote:
As I mentioned yesterday, attempts to formulate why and how Susan Boyle's performance captures the imagination will continue. The question reaches fundamental issues of our understanding of ourselves, our experience as human beings. What makes anthropology fun and deeply rewarding is the sense that we are in some sense probing the essential qualities of humanity -- whatever that is, whatever we mean by it. So the struggle of so many to explain why they cry, why they keep coming back to the same event, to watch the same performance, over and over again, displays the sense of mystery deeply embedded within us. These special bursts of public discussion about such a person, such an event, an icon created in a single episode, reveal what resides within us: a continuous rumination over who we are; we are ever seeking to grasp ourselves. What is this peculiar creature, the human being? Creative, inventive, generous, and also cruel, intolerant, self-serving, bitter. All this I can only surmise -- for knowing no one else I have to extrapolate from my own private world. I presume that everyone else like me carries on this internal struggle to understand, manipulating the tools of imagining that are available, the kinds of things we always use to think with: words, gestures, objects. The anthropological task, I take it, is to monitor whatever extrinsic evidences of that internal calque we can find in others. These overt forms are the devices through which the anthropologist gains access to personal mysteries, private experiences -- elements of the human condition that are usually inaccessible. But when, as in the reactions to Susan Boyle, intense personal feelings burst forth in tears that astonish, we discover dimensions of the human moral sensibility that most of us are unprepared to find in ourselves. That makes Susan Boyle a special event as well as a special human being.
*
My take on this? I was reminded of this passage by Salman Rushdie which I scribbled in my Moleskin back in September 2002:
Five mysteries hold the keys to the unseen: the act of love, and the birth of a baby, and the contemplation of great art, and being in the presence of death or disaster, and hearing the human voice lifted in a song. These are the occasions when the bolts of the universe fly open and we are given a glimpse of what is hidden: an eff of the ineffable. Glory burts upon us in such hours: the dark glory of earthquake, the slippery wonder of new life, the radiance of Vina's singing."
- Salman Rushdie, in The Ground Beneath Her Feet
Watching Susan Boyle sing I Dreamed a Dream has unlocked three out of the five mysteries - the act of love, the contemplation of great art, and of course, hearing the human voice lifted in a song.
Now, I haven't witnessed the birth of a baby - yet - but that desire is partially quenched by the donation of my eggs. It is but a very simple act of giving, selflessly, without prejudice, no judgements, no buts. And I wonder, if such an act of giving has enabled me to have a glimpse of the essential qualities of humanity, how much more mind-blowing it must be for me to witness the birth of an infant? How much more will I be moved, even after watching the unassuming Susan Boyle sing Fantine's song?
If there is only one YouTube video you watch in your lifetime, it has to be this, really!
I was so inspired I actually cried, and I have since watched it another 11 times (and counting...)
Like what Dr. Robert Canfield, a fellow blogger, wrote:
Every once in a while [a] great cultural moment happens. Iconic displays of the human imagination seem always to be unpredictable. But when they happen they reveal something about ourselves to ourselves...
Such a moment has just happened again, only this time it is a little different. A few days ago a 47 year old mentally disabled woman appeared on a talent show in Britain. Someone described her as fumpy. She wore her best dress, something worn earlier to a nephew’s wedding. She had fixed her hair herself. And she came on stage to sing. The hosts and the audience were kind enough, but pervading the whole scenario was a palpable doubt, even condescension, about this woman. She was a pathetic figure, vulnerable. This was an aggressive audience, expressive; they were ready to drive a performer off the stage. The hosts, the talent judges, were clearly dubious. One of the judges asked this woman her name and where she was from. She was Susan Boyle from a small town -- well, a collection of villages, she said. Then he asked what her ambition was. She wanted to be singer. Who would she like to be like?, he asked. Like Elaine Paige. It was easy to regard this woman as tragically unaware of her own limitations, with aspirations that surpassed her ability. And she was now on stage, on TV. Before a huge audience. Here was a disaster in the making. This would be difficult to watch. [all emphasis mine]
The YouTube video was uploaded on 11 April and by the time I watched it (two hours ago), it has been viewed more than 12 million times. Astonishingly, it is watched again and again by the same people - just like I did.
Dr Canfield surmised it most succinctly (yes, only 312 words!) when he wrote:
As I mentioned yesterday, attempts to formulate why and how Susan Boyle's performance captures the imagination will continue. The question reaches fundamental issues of our understanding of ourselves, our experience as human beings. What makes anthropology fun and deeply rewarding is the sense that we are in some sense probing the essential qualities of humanity -- whatever that is, whatever we mean by it. So the struggle of so many to explain why they cry, why they keep coming back to the same event, to watch the same performance, over and over again, displays the sense of mystery deeply embedded within us. These special bursts of public discussion about such a person, such an event, an icon created in a single episode, reveal what resides within us: a continuous rumination over who we are; we are ever seeking to grasp ourselves. What is this peculiar creature, the human being? Creative, inventive, generous, and also cruel, intolerant, self-serving, bitter. All this I can only surmise -- for knowing no one else I have to extrapolate from my own private world. I presume that everyone else like me carries on this internal struggle to understand, manipulating the tools of imagining that are available, the kinds of things we always use to think with: words, gestures, objects. The anthropological task, I take it, is to monitor whatever extrinsic evidences of that internal calque we can find in others. These overt forms are the devices through which the anthropologist gains access to personal mysteries, private experiences -- elements of the human condition that are usually inaccessible. But when, as in the reactions to Susan Boyle, intense personal feelings burst forth in tears that astonish, we discover dimensions of the human moral sensibility that most of us are unprepared to find in ourselves. That makes Susan Boyle a special event as well as a special human being.
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My take on this? I was reminded of this passage by Salman Rushdie which I scribbled in my Moleskin back in September 2002:
Five mysteries hold the keys to the unseen: the act of love, and the birth of a baby, and the contemplation of great art, and being in the presence of death or disaster, and hearing the human voice lifted in a song. These are the occasions when the bolts of the universe fly open and we are given a glimpse of what is hidden: an eff of the ineffable. Glory burts upon us in such hours: the dark glory of earthquake, the slippery wonder of new life, the radiance of Vina's singing."
- Salman Rushdie, in The Ground Beneath Her Feet
Watching Susan Boyle sing I Dreamed a Dream has unlocked three out of the five mysteries - the act of love, the contemplation of great art, and of course, hearing the human voice lifted in a song.
Now, I haven't witnessed the birth of a baby - yet - but that desire is partially quenched by the donation of my eggs. It is but a very simple act of giving, selflessly, without prejudice, no judgements, no buts. And I wonder, if such an act of giving has enabled me to have a glimpse of the essential qualities of humanity, how much more mind-blowing it must be for me to witness the birth of an infant? How much more will I be moved, even after watching the unassuming Susan Boyle sing Fantine's song?
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