Egg Donation in Hong Kong

The golden eggs have hatched

2011-03-29T10:14:00.004+08:00

It has been a long time since I have updated the blog - but with good reason for my absence!

After a few jittery months in the first half of the pregnancy, T finally gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on 17 August 2010. She came a few days early but T and G were well-prepared. T cried at the birth (Cesarean) not because of the pain but because for more than ten years it had been a difficult struggle to get pregnant, ten long years of pain and frustration and tears, and finally she gave birth.

M had a miscarriage about 2 months into her first pregnancy with my eggs, but tried again shortly after and stayed pregnant... all the way to the birth of a baby girl in September 2010. I am not told the exact date as M would still prefer everything to be anonymous. She held on to her end of the promise to inform me when the child is born - and that was it. She and I will never have any contact again. It made me a little sad at first, but a promise is a promise, and I have comfort in knowing that she is one happy mom.

As for T, the journey has just started. I went back to the UK for a holiday last autumn and held the baby girl in my arms. Did it feel weird? Not at all. I just held her like I have held every baby before, delighting in the unique "baby smell", marvelling at the tiny features and the miracle of her birth. It is all down to science, I know, but like I said before, it is almost nothing short of a miracle. I didn't think she looked like me nor her dad although she sure looked mixed (her dad is Caucasian). However T said she is an exact replica of me when I was a baby (I gave her some of my baby photos) - then again, I think all babies look alike!

Today the baby girl - let's call her S - is more than 7 months old and she is such a joy to have. She is a very happy baby, smiling and making people laugh all the time. Now, that is what I signed up for. That is why I donated my eggs. I have made a difference in this world and I have made two families very happy. What a joy that is!

This marks the end of the egg donation journey. It has been more than two years since I embarked on this wonderful period of my life and there are stretches of days when I completely forgot about this. But T is in constant touch with me and our email exchanges are filled with photos of S, which never fails to make me smile from the heart. Perhaps one day, the two (hatched) golden eggs will chance upon this blog and marvel at how tumultuous the start was and how their stories of their life began...

:D

after-aftermath

2010-03-04T23:11:00.007+08:00

So it has almost been 4 months since I last donated my eggs to T. Everything is back to normal now: my menstrual cycle, my fitness, my well-being. And best of all, T is pregnant!

Yes she is pregnant, and very much so. I didn't want to update my blog earlier for fear of tempting fate, but she has gone through her first trimester and tomorrow will be week 15. Week 15 - FIFTEEN - I still find it amazing that she has gone so far. We have kept in close contact the past few months and I am truly happy and excited for her whenever I receive an email update saying that all is well. Of course the first few weeks were terrifying - she didn't feel any "morning sickness" and she had a bit of spotting - but they were just false alarms. As the days progressed, then the weeks, we felt more and more sure that this is truly happening. I know, deep down, it's all down to science, but sometimes I can't help but kick my atheist and logic faculty aside and tell myself it's a miracle.

Just look at the golden baby at 9 weeks old:

It IS a miracle. Indeed.

(But I have to say that ultrasound scans at 9 weeks still look way too fuzzy for me to tell what is what...)

bouts of good and bad, but generally more good

2009-12-11T00:34:00.004+08:00

I went back to work on Monday and it was a little overwhelming at first, since I had to combat jet lag which hit me really hard in the morning, and then the rolling bouts of nausea, followed by the random headaches and lastly the quiet throbbing pain. I managed to get through the day and went to Dr C's clinic at 6:30pm - she said I looked great and there was no need for a scan.

I gave her an update of how many eggs T has - the ARGC actually retrieved 19 eggs from me but only 15 were mature. Out of that, 11 fertilized. Dr C was happy for T and me. I gave her a quarter of a rind of Fortnum & Mason's award-winning Stilton cheese to thank her for her help, and left with a promise for dinner in January.

Tuesday and Wednesday went by fairly quickly and as the jet lag got more manageable, so did the nausea. It's early Friday morning now and I hardly have any nausea left, although on Wednesday night I was pretty miserable and had to take paracetamol to quell the pain. I hope by this weekend I'll be back to 100% so I can start hiking and running again. Gosh, I sure miss my running sessions, pounding on the asphalt with nothing but myself and my thoughts and my heart beating so fast.

==

T's embryo transfer happened on Wednesday. They had 4 beautiful blastocysts but of course the ARGC could only put 2 inside her. The other eggs are still developing and of course will be frozen for later use. The transfer went well and now all she has to do is to rest. I have been sending good thoughts to her and telling the embryos to STICK to her womb, although I am a skeptic of Reiki. Still, there's no harm with all that positive energy, so why not?

There is one scene in the anime movie "My Neighbour Totoro" where the kids and Totoro do a dance at the garden for the seedlings to grow faster - I wish there is an equivalent dance for me to perform for the embryo to grow!

a record

2009-12-06T08:17:00.007+08:00

Just so that I will remember what it was like twenty years down the road, these are the symptoms I have after the egg retrieval.

Nausea - comes in waves. Sometimes it hits me so hard I am left reeling
Pain and discomfort that ranges from lower abdomen to diaphragm
Difficulty breathing - happens only at certain sleeping positions, generally when I lay on the side
Back ache
Stomach acidity - probably the most feared symptom because I am terrified it will develop to severe Esophagitis which is the worst imaginable pain anyone can go through. I can feel the acid rising in my tummy so small frequent meals seem to be the order of the day
Bloating - I must have gained at least 10 pounds by now. Stomach is very big and bloated.
Barfing - probably from the increased levels of acid in stomach

No difficulty in peeing (pee is very clear and frequent, every 2 hours of less), drinking at least one glass of water (330ml) every hour, no other signs of bloating in other parts of body except the abdomen.

I'm not showing all the signs of OHSS and I know general discomfort is expected for someone like me with so many follicles. I can only hope it'll all go away soon.

aftermath version 2.0

2009-12-06T07:15:00.004+08:00

I arrived in Hong Kong yesterday at 2pm. Thank goodness I had an upgrade to business class as it would have been a nightmare to be stuck at the back of the plane. I could hardly sleep because of the discomfort and nausea, despite the flat beds and excellent meals and service. During the 12-hour flight I glugged down at least 3 litres of water - and still it didn't seem to help. The rolling pain and nausea usually quickly ease away when I take a dose of paracetamol but once it wears off, I'm grimacing in pain again.

Was it this bad the last time? I think I was in a worse state before. But my memory for pain doesn't linger long so it seems this is just as bad. Since coming home I unpacked and pottered about, and tried to stay awake as long as I could to combat jetlag. I managed to go to bed at 11pm but got up a few times to drink more water and to pee. At about 5:30am I tossed and turned so much - general discomfort in the abdomen area and slight difficult in breathing - I decided to get up and read.

The ARGC requires me to drink 1 litre of milk and 2 litres of water a day. I'm slightly lactose intolerant so I drank only a glass of milk this morning and at least 1 litre of water already. I'm hoping the pain will ease off quickly before I go back to work tomorrow. I'll need all the strength I can muster!

==

Before I left London, T showered me with gifts. Two large bags of gifts, to be precise. I felt like Santa Claus with ten kids at home or a shopping-maniac who love to burn the plastic. Obviously I am quite the opposite as I dislike shopping - such a pointless affair - but her generosity and gratitude made me all fuzzy inside. She wrote me a heartfelt letter which I read while on the plane coming home and I was trying so hard not to cry. It was beautifully written and touched my heart. Like I said before, I would do this all over again for her even in the context of the awful aftermath of egg retrieval. Yes I would.

15 really golden eggs

2009-12-04T17:18:00.000+08:00

I've laid 'em. 15 eggs. They are T's now, to keep and nurture and grow.

==

I woke up at 5:45am, feeling really thirsty but no food nor liquid allowed after midnight. It was a chilly morning, frost all built up on the car's windscreen. G scrapped it all off in a jiffy and we got going. Not surprisingly, I was not the first one at the clinic. A different nurse today, Nurse Z, took us through all the papers and documents, then a warm hug goodbye to G and B - I won't see them before I fly off - and of course a good luck hug from T and off I went to the basement.

I changed into the patient gown and was also given CSI-type of socks/shoes to wear. Pretty nifty. If I didn't have the Marks & Sparks bathrobe on me I would have felt I was going to see Gil Grissom just round the corner.

I was led to the operating theatre - very different from the one in HK. It was larger and looks more like an OT. The anesthetist spoke to me about HK and I remarked to him how funny this turned out because when I was about to go under the previous time, the anesthetist was talking to me about England! Coming full circle indeed.

The mask was put over my mouth and nose, then the gas came on. Embarrassingly enough I coughed! But the next thing I knew I woke up and it was 8:45am.

T is thrilled that I got 15 eggs. Honestly I was a bit disappointed just because the previous time it was a spectacular 55 eggs. Anyway I hope all 15 are mature golden eggs.

==

I managed to get upgraded to business class for my flight home, which will take off in about half an hour. I pulled the "had a surgery this morning" card and the good lad at the check-in counter let me through. Good man.

I said bye to T and there was so much tears. She thanked me from the bottom of her heart, and I truly wish she can have a huge family. There is so much to say to her and so little time. I told her I would do this again in a heartbeat, and if this come to naught, I'd even carry the baby for her. It's a lot to ask from me but I would. She is one special woman and I am so glad she, of all people in the world, now has the chance to have babies.

the nest is built, all I have to do is to lay the golden eggs once again

2009-12-03T23:18:00.000+08:00

Egg retrieval is set for tomorrow at 7:15am. I will have to be at the clinic by 6:45am, no food no liquid after midnight tonight. T will of course accompany me, G will have to come along to produce his "fresh sample". He joked that he is under intense pressure. Sometimes I do wonder how the men feel in situations like these - that their little "joy" 1) is so easy relative to what the women have to do to produce the eggs 2) will produce (potentially) many children of his own. Hm.

Anyway it was a relaxing day for me and it felt SO good not to have to take the tube to Regent's Park and hang out at Marylebone. As much as I adore the area I truly needed a break from the clinic. I spent the afternoon at the Natural History Museum (what a pilgrimage it is for atheists like me!) and walked to Knightsbridge where I had a lovely massage at Berkley Hotel Spa. Ah, such bliss.

When I got home I started packing right away as my flight back to Hong Kong is at 6pm tomorrow, which means I wouldn't get much rest after the surgery. I felt rather sad that I will be saying goodbye to T and family. I will miss her. She is such a remarkable woman, so warm and generous, that I have grown quite fond of her. I am very glad to have found a friend in her.

This experience has been nothing short of a miracle - how we met and how it all happened. I don't however believe in fate and all that "it's meant to be" faith, but it doesn't stop me from marvelling at this amazing series of events that led to the culmination of donating my eggs to T. I only hope that she will get pregnant eventually - like I said so many times before, I know my eggs will be in very good hands with a mother like her.

Wish me luck! I wonder how many golden eggs there will be this time?

the journey of ups and downs

2009-12-02T22:05:00.003+08:00

So I thought I would get the trigger on Tuesday and get the egg retrieval done on Friday. By noooooo that was not the case. I went back to the clinic on Tuesday afternoon and all I got was "wait, the blood test results aren't back yet". So I waited till 6pm and nurse V asked me how I was feeling. I said good, except for a bit of nausea earlier in the day and of course, bloatedness. I also had a teeny weeny bit of cramps but it could just be because of something I ate? She trotted off to find Dr T and then came back and said nope, no trigger. I was so frustrated I wanted to cry. Really. I begged her but she said Dr T would not let me trigger because Pregnyl (the trigger drug) may make me feel worse. I told her I only had VERY mild nausea, it could just be nothing! But Dr T refused. SIGH.

I got another jab of Cetrotide (nurse V mixed it up there and then) and went home, feeling awful and frustrated. I told myself I won't postpone the flight to Saturday as that means arriving back in HK only on Sunday evening and that's just way too late for me. I need to be home ASAP - I have been away too long.

==

This morning I went back in for another blood test and another one at 1pm. I got quite worked up when I went back to the clinic just before the second blood test because another nurse whom I've never seen before took my case and said she can't say if I'm triggering tonight or not. I felt so mad I could feel the blood rising and I knew all that energy had to go somewhere somehow, but I'm not allowed to go for a run. How frustrating! While waiting for my turn for the blood test I paced around cursing at the incompetent system of the ARGC - of course not out loud, for the exempletives I used were most colourful. F***!

After walking from Oxford Circus to Piccadilly and having done almost all my Christmas shopping, I trudged back to the ARGC. Finally I saw nurse V and really, at that point I wouldn't have taken no for an answer. If Dr T wouldn't give me the trigger, I'd personally marched upstairs to his office and put a knife to his neck. Or break into a pharmacy and get the Pregynl. Or just fly back to Hong Kong. Heck about the eggs.

Nurse V then gave me the good news - I will trigger this evening at 7:15pm. T finished work just then and came to meet me and we went back home together, braving the awful downpour. Before I left, I gave Nurse V a goodbye hug. As frustrated I was with the ARGC, she has been great. I will miss her.

Pregnyl isn't an easy drug to mix. It's actually more difficult than Cetrotide because this time it's just two ampoules in the box. By the time we got home it was almost time and I poked myself at 7:19pm. Total of 7500 IU of Pregnyl. Once I got them in, T gave me a warm hug. She is just the nicest and sweetest person, really. All the support I received has been amazing and I truly truly want her to get pregnant and have lots of kids.

Tomorrow will be my day off so I will finally get the chance to sleep in and take it easy. Off to the Natural History Museum in the afternoon! Yay :) All I have to do now is to drink a LOT of water (one glass every hour). The end is near. Very near.

poke #10 - almost at the end of the road!

2009-11-30T16:50:00.006+08:00

I went in this morning for the usual blood test, had coffee at the Patisserie again, and was called back for a second blood test. I was told to come back for a scan at 2:30pm and it was none other than Dr T, the famed doctor of the ARGC! It was such a privilege and even the women in the same queue as me found it such an honour. Obviously this man is held in very high esteem and to get him to do our scans today was like striking the mini jackpot (the large jackpot is of course getting pregnant and giving birth).

Dr T actually has a sense of humour. He asked me if I'm keeping up with my fluids, I said yes, and he asked if it's 30 or 40 litres. Ha! Then he looked at my ovaries - how full they are! My follicles are huge. I asked how many eggs he thinks I have and he replied in a offhand manner, "Oh, about 300 or so" and broke out in a grin. Heh. I like him.

He then gave me the good news that I will most probably do the trigger tomorrow which means egg retrieval will be on Thursday! Yay! I will have to go home straight away and poke myself with Cetrotide. Oh joy.

==

Here is a step by step guide to poking Cetrotide, you know, just in case if you ever find yourself at the verge of ovulating 300 eggs.
[No, you know the rules: please do NOT try this at home. These are powerful drugs you are messing around with with potential serious side effects.]

Step #1: Open one alcohol swab

Step #2: Open the lid of the vial with the white powder and use the alcohol swab to wipe the top of the vial

Step #3: Remove the cap from the syringe containing the clear liquid

Step #4: Screw the yellow needle onto the syringe

Step #5: Poke the vial and inject all the liquid in

Step #6: Leave the needle in the vial and gently dissolve the white powder until all that remains is a clear liquid. Try not to shake the vial too hard as the less air bubbles we have, the better.

Step #7: Turn vial upside down and draw all liquid back into the syringe. It is essential that all liquid is drawn.

Step #8: Remove any air in the syringe

Step #9: Remove the yellow needle and put the grey needle on the syringe

Step #10: Use the remaining alcohol swab to wipe the injetion area, which should be below/around the belly button

Step #11: Poke!

==

More stats:
Friday, 27 Nov 2009 PM: Oestradiol 5159
Saturday, 28 Nov 2009 AM: LH 9.2 IU/L Oestradiol 10,353, Progesterone 2.6
Saturday, 28 Nov 2009 PM: LH 5.9 IU/L Oestradiol 12,440
Sunday, 29 Nov 2009 AM: LH 0.3 IU/L Oestradiol 4853, Progesterone 1.4
Sunday, 29 Nov 2009 PM: LH <0.1 IU/L FSH 3.7, Oestradiol 4161
Monday, 30 Nov 2009 AM: LH 1.6 IU/L Oestradiol 11,410

how many more days? i can only guess

2009-11-29T21:21:00.005+08:00

Today is day 9 of stimulation. I went in early (enough on a Sunday) for a blood test, then had coffee and a fabulous chocolate eclair at the Patisserie at Marylebone High Street while waiting for the ARCG to call back. Another blood test at noon and back home now. Instructions for today is 75 units of Gonal-F immediately.

Yesterday was a bit of a strange one though. I went in for the usual blood test and the results must have been crazy because I was then told to poke myself with Cetrotide, a different drug. What this drug does is to delay the LH surge, which means it just delays my body from ovulating. My eggs are not mature yet - they need to grow just a bit more - so LH level has to come down.

Cetrotide comes in a big box with two alcohol swabs, a large syringe, two needles and a vial with white powder. It's like doing Chemistry at O Levels all over again! After mixing the solution I poked myself below the belly button and it was actually quite painful, and painful to watch too as it was a large syringe and everything had to go in. I decided I don't like Cetrotide very much.

==

I had bouts of nausea that come and go but today was better. The only side effects of all the drugs (so far) are the sore area where I poked the Cetrotide, the bloatedness where my ovaries are and a bit of a headache. But the latter can be just because of the cold. I actually woke up to hailstorm this morning! Rubbish London weather indeed.

But everything I go through is nothing compared to the joy and happiness that T and G will have if this works. I saw a pair of twin boys at the Patisserie this morning and it reminded me of what T told me - that she thinks she will have twin boys from my donated eggs. I wonder how they will look, with a little bit of myself and G mixed together. Hmm.

Dr C told me last week when I was still in Hong Kong that the first recipient of my donated eggs, M, got pregnant but subsequently miscarried. I was really disappointed but I'm sure M will be trying again soon. I just hope that my seeds of labour will bear fruit. Really, spending time with T and G just made my realize how some people are destined to be great parents - and if anyone deserve to be parents, it's them.

Fingers crossed!

poked by the wicked witch of the west

2009-11-28T08:38:00.006+08:00

T brought me to the theatre tonight to catch Wicked, the acclaimed musical I have heard so much about. It was brilliant. Absolutely fantastic. One of those shows which I'm sure I can watch another three times.

But today was a weird day in terms of the egg donation procedure. I went to the clinic at 8:30am for the usual blood test, then trotted over to La Fromagerie off Marylebone High Street for coffee. On a side note, the shop is like a little paradise for me. Anyway I hung around as I thought I would receive a call from the clinic to go in shortly for yet another blood test (it happened yesterday).

But no call came. I headed back to T's place and because it was a beautiful day, I did some raking in the garden. My very first time raking! Pleased as punch. Then came the call from the ARGC to say I have to poke 75 units of Gonal-F now and go in at 2:30pm for blood test and scan.

More stats:
Wednesday, 25 Nov 2009: LH 2.9 IU/L Oestradiol 2577, Progesterone 1.7
Thursday, 26 Nov 2009 AM: LH 2.7 IU/L Oestradiol 4190, FSH 5.5
Thursday, 26 Nov 2009 PM: Oestradiol 4989
Friday, 27 Nov 2009 AM: LH 2.6 IU/L Oestradiol 5147

Follicles are growing nicely, big and round like the Japanese grapes. Dr G (yet another doc!) had a very quick consultation - I'm starting to feel like I'm cattle now, what with all that prodding and poking and being hurried along - and then off I went.

The evening instructions came at 6pm for 37.5 units of Gonal-F between 8-10pm. But because I was going to watch Wicked, I had to poke myself at the intermission. I couldn't possibly have poked myself at my seat so I had to do it in the bathroom. It was a stroke of pure chance that we were sitting right next to the Ladies, which made things a lot easier. So many pokes for today! What is it, 4 pokes? That sure is a record. My arms are getting sore and bruised with all the blood tests. And we're only halfway through. Wish me luck!

Hello, my name is Real Golden Goose and I am a druggie.

poke #2.5 and prod #2.3

2009-11-26T07:21:00.003+08:00

More pokes and prods. Yesterday's poke was Merional 75IU and today I was back on Gonal-F 112IU. Earlier this morning (Wednesday) I went back to the clinic for blood tests (that's probably poke #2.5 but oh, who's counting when it's just my arms) and another prod. Again I have a different doctor, a female one, hurrah! She was much more gentle although had a more hurried manner. I felt as if I only had 5 minute to see her.

I do have polycystic ovaries which explains why I have many follicles and almost all of them are of the same size. It was explained to me that the symptoms of Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) include weight gain, excessive facial and body hair, very irregular periods, etc. I have mildly irregular periods but definitely no excessive hair (on the contrary, I'm actually so hairless I have never shaved my legs!) nor obesity, so there's nothing to worry about. The upside of this is that T will potentially receive a lot of eggs from me, like M the first time round. Well, 55 eggs or not, I hope I don't get OHSS again.

More stats:
Monday, 23 Nov 2009: LH 2.7 IU/L Oestradiol 678
Tuesday, 24 Nov 2009: LH 2.0 IU/L Oestradiol 2220

I have no idea what Oestradiol is but to see it jump from 678 to 2220 is scary. I was assured that everything is going fine, with the doctor saying that nothing is out of the ordinary. I sure hope so. Fingers crossed.

poke #2.3

2009-11-24T06:38:00.003+08:00

The ARGC requires me to go in for a blood test every day so after the trudge down to the clinic on early Sunday morning, T, her daughter and I went to the zoo. Of course I had to go - it's the London zoo!

That was a lovely excursion which distracted me just a bit, before a call from the ARGC in the late afternoon instructed me to lower the injection to 112 units of Gonal-F. Apparently I am reacting a little too well to the drugs.

I went in for a blood test and a scan this morning. Nurse K at the clinic managed to get my file right on top so I didn't have to wait too long - how sweet of her! This time it was Dr D who greeted me (how many doctors do I have to see, I wonder?) and he said I have too many follicles and not one dominant one. Ideally there should be a few big ones but mine were all "democratic". Hmm.

I jotted down my blood test results:

Tuesday, 17 Nov 2009: LH6.0 IU/L Oestradiol 37
Thursday, 19 Nov 2009: LH 8.4 IU/L Oestradiol 37
Saturday, 21 Nov 2009: LH 5.9 IU/L Oestradiol 137
Sunday, 22 Nov 2009: LH 3.2 IU/L Oestradiol 420

They don't mean nothing to me, but it seems that my Oestradiol shot up a little too much and hence the lower dosage of Gonal-F. I started on 150 units on the first poke, down to 112 units on the second and third poke (today).

in London (again) - gear two!

2009-11-22T00:32:00.004+08:00

After sitting through a stifling flight on Cathay Pacific - what is comfortable about the new "clam-shell" seats?! - I finally arrived in London. Every time I visit this city there is usually beautiful weather and I was proven right again with a rare bright autumn day greeting me.

I was driven straight to T's place and what a wonderful, big, lovely house it is. The guestroom on the third floor was enormous; the bathroom itself is bigger than my study in Hong Kong! Neat. And the house has a large garden, complete with an apple tree (!), plum tree, lavender shrubs and a 2 metre-high trampoline. It is paradise for T's precious adopted daughter, B, 5 years old. It is paradise for me. I'm 28.

We went straight to the ARGC to get in queue; they have a maddening system of patient management which I have to accept. No specific appointments, just go in and queue. So T and I queued for almost 3 hours before we saw Dr A (all doctors are your doctors - that's the motto!), had a scan and blood test. LH level is finally down to 5.9 so I can finally start stimulation.

My suspicions that the ARGC wanted me to be in London before I start the injections were proven right when we were waiting for our turn to see the doc. Part of the waiting game means you hold on to your medical file and wait - which means I get to see everything in the file. There was a memo inside which says that since I will be in to see the clinic on Saturday, I may as well start stiumulation then. Ha! They are unbelivable, aren't they.

This means that I will have to remain in London till 4 December at the very least. Sigh. As much as I love London, I need to be home soon...

Anyway, we are set in gear two now. Poke #1 tonight!

last visit to dr c

2009-11-20T14:32:00.003+08:00

It was my last visit to Dr C this morning. She made me wait again, as usual. I believe she is the only woman in my life I will wait two hours for!

There were no updates from the ARGC, not to her nor me. So in other words I continue with my Suprecur nasal spray 4 times a day like a druggie having it straight up. I quite like it actually, besides the part where it trickles down the throat leaving a bitter after-taste.

So Dr C and I just chatted. She reminded me that I would have to stay in London for two weeks (!!!) as there will be a minimum of 10 days for the injections/stimulation, and 2 days later the egg retrieval will happen. I can't possibly get on a flight on the very same day, so one rest day and off to Hong Kong. Sigh. I told her I will be so bored and she said I can go shopping. I'm not much of a shopper, I'm afraid...

And Dr C told me about her time spent in Edinburgh where she put on 10 pounds even though she was running everyday (not anymore in HK though, thanks to her 3 year old son). Conversation drifted to how it will be cold for my training (I am doing a 250km desert race in 2010) and how the sun sets early, and that it affects the mood of the people in England. Suicidal rates go up during winter months - thanks for the tip, Dr C. I suppose I will have to keep my mood light and happy while in England.

I ended our visit saying that after I'm back from London I will take her out for dinner. I quite like Dr C - she makes intelligent conversation, is gentle and appreciative, and just the kind of friend that will make you smile on a gloomy day.

been too busy - a long due update

2009-11-19T12:21:00.005+08:00

I'm definitely still donating my eggs for the second time and I am starting stimulation very soon. I have been on the Suprecur nasal spray for about 3 weeks now (instructions from the UK clinic) and the dosage has been increased to four sprays a day instead of three. So far there has been no side effects with the spray although I can't say the same for T, who developed a rash from it, unfortunately.

I saw Dr C on Tuesday, had a scan - nothing special - and more blood tests. Had another one earlier this morning which was a bit of a pain as the nurse had a tough time locating my vein so it was extra painful with all that poking around. At one point, Nurse E was calling Nurse V for help while the needle was still in me. Ouch.

Dr C will fax the blood test results to the UK clinic and upon their instructions, I will then be given the injections for today. A final trip to Dr C tomorrow and then off to London tomorrow evening!

==

I returned from Tokyo last week after a little side holiday I decided to take on a whim, armed with ten small boxes of Japanese grapes - so amazingly sweet and juicy. I gave Dr C three of them since I noticed she likes her fruit (there's usually a kiwifruit or pear on her desk) and it was a hit. So chuffed that someone else appreciates the grapes as much as I do! Let's see if I can bring some over to London for T. I think they are still pretty fresh...

They sure look like my follicles eh!

the beginning of another chapter

2009-09-08T09:45:00.002+08:00

My period came yesterday morning. It was four days early which is suspiciously unusual as my period is almost always late. It explains the nausea I had been getting late at night which resulted in lousy sleep throughout the weekend. Anyway, now that I have my period I can finally start the monitoring cycle with Dr C for my egg donation procedure for T.

I called the clinic yesterday to make an appointment to see Dr C but she could only accommodate me this afternoon. Talk about being busy! If you're an aspiring medical student reading this blog, I'd advise you to go into Obstetrics and Gynecology and especially into fertility. Your services will always be in demand as more and more couples get married later and have kids later in life. And it's an immensely interesting field with all that eggs and sperm and creating life and saving lives...

So it's back to Dr C again today for the blood tests - FSH, LH, Oestradiol and Prolactin - and I will have to be taught how to use an ovulation detection kit on Day 10 of my cycle. Once I get a positive surge, I will be required to return to the clinic for another test.. but that's another story for another day.

Last blood test for M (first recipient of my donated eggs)

2009-09-02T16:52:00.005+08:00

I went to the clinic for a final blood test (for HIV) around noon today - one last poke in the arm - and just like that, it's all done.

Good luck, M. I wish you the best of luck for you to get pregnant and hold a little one (or possibly more) in your arms.

Good luck, little eggs. I wish you the best of luck; I can tell you now that you sure need it because growing up is often painful and full of challenges. Then again, life is very special and one beautiful journey that you will be very privileged to have.

to London, and back

2009-08-07T16:05:00.005+08:00

The trip finally happened - it was all a bit of a flurry of events, one after another, a quick succession of outcomes, but isn't life just like that. T was a wonderful host who planned my stay extremely well and all the little nice touches (making sure the hotel is aware I will have a very early check-in; having a driver to greet me at Heathrow; planning to meet me only after I have enough rest to get over jet-lag, etc) made me appreciate her more. We finally met at a bustling restaurant overlooking Covent Garden on Thursday lunch-time. She is a beautiful and terrific woman, and is everything I expected of her through our numerous correspondences over email.

On Friday morning I made my way to Baker Street to meet the counsellor for the mandatory counselling session. It was a great session - words flowed easily and she went through pretty much all the questions I have thought of previously. She is quite the opposite of the stoic doctor who counselled me in HK. There were a few points she brought up which were a surprise to me, e.g. the child born from my donated egg has the right to sue me once he/she turns 18 should I not disclose any pre-existing medical condition that I am aware of. But of course I have my entire family's medical history disclosed so it's more likely a case of knowing a little too much!

I was then off to the clinic (the ARGC), housed in a nondescript building right at the end of the street just like any row of identical houses in London. It wasn't as crowded as I thought it would be and in fact I found it quite quiet. T arrived soon after and we had the meeting with one of the head nurses - no doctors as they were too busy - and she talked us through the egg donation procedure together. It seemed that the ARGC needed me to do a lot more than my procedure with Dr C and I found myself wondering if it was all necessary. Of course T and myself just wanted everything done and over with but there is so much to do: first of all I had to undergo the whole series of blood tests, then choose a monitoring cycle to be done in September, followed by the actual cycle in November. We decided that November will be better for the both of us for the actual cycle as it will give us more time to work out several logistical issues.

I was told that I have to go on the nasal spray when I begin ovulating prior to the actual cycle. After about ten days of the spray my period should start and I will then begin the injections. At this stage I will still be in Hong Kong and going in to Dr C for (more) blood tests and monitoring. On day 5 of my injections I will then fly to London for the rest of the treatment, which by then will just mean about a week left to the egg retrieval.

There is a lot to digest and work out, like the timing of my injections while I'm still in HK. With the previous egg donation, I injected at about 8-9pm and this made sense as the last jab will have to be exactly 36 hours before the retrieval (which is usually scheduled for 9am). With the 7-hour time difference between Hong Kong and London, I will have to inject the Gonal F at about 3-4am while I'm in HK! That will be quite a task indeed.

It was a short walk to the other clinic for the blood tests and once that was done, T and I parted ways. We said our goodbyes and I gave her a warm hug - she has been nothing short of gracious and wonderful - and deep down, I am truly delighted to know that my donated eggs will have a mom like her.

*

Now all I have to do is to enjoy my summer (a lot of travelling!) and wait till September when I will begin my monitoring cycle with Dr C. Hopefully the blistering hot humid summer of HK will pass soon. I can't wait for autumn!

been a long time, but eggs are never far from my mind

2009-07-17T11:21:00.003+08:00

It has been a crazy summer, one filled with a lot of ups and downs: we got another dog (a sweet Labrador-cross from the local shelter), my mother suffered a mild stroke, more tragedies with missing airplanes and more unrest (Iran and China), Michael Jackson died... well, the last bit shouldn't even be on the same line as the others but he's still an icon who has played an influential role in my childhood. I will miss him.

As for the egg donation with T, it's all coming along nicely. Tickets are booked and arrangements made for the short trip in London. I am strangely excited to meet T - it will be such an honour to meet this wonderful woman who trusts me enough to have my eggs fertilized with her husband's sperm and then put into her womb. Sometimes when I look at this from another angle, it's just so mind-boggling. The wonders of science indeed.

I feel very positive about this particular donation to T, like I said in my previous post, partly because this is an open donation. T has been very open with this right from the very beginning, telling me all about herself and her family. I found it refreshing and somehow knowing that she is so open about this, gives me a sense of security that there will not be any drama later on in the child's life. Because the child will grow up knowing about me and my gift for T, she will not get a nasty shock when she suddenly finds out and starts her search for all the answers.

Less than two weeks before my trip to London. Ohh I am getting quite excited!

confirmation from all fronts

2009-06-03T12:15:00.003+08:00

Dr C has been away the last week or two so T didn't get a confirmation that she will do the first half of the egg donation procedure with me till yesterday evening. Now that she has confirmed in writing, we are all set to go!

I will be arriving London on 30 July with all appointments fixed on 31 July, Friday. There will first be a session with the counsellor at 11am, followed by the appointment with the doctor at 1pm. The latter will also include the whole she-bang of tests - transvaginal ultrasound, blood tests (for Rubella, Hep B&C, HIV, etc). So it's back to being prodded and poked again. How fun.

The procedure will then begin once my period arrives in August which means it's back to Dr C's for a few days, and the final trip to London for the second half of the treatment. The egg retrieval will be done in London and I will then fly back home to Hong Kong about two days after. Hopefully there will be no agonizing aftermath. While the memory of the awful cramps and heartburn from the first egg donation has almost receded to the dark corners of my brain, it is still painful enough for me to want to avoid it as much as possible.

Otherwise, I am very much looking forward to meeting T. This is a new experience for me as it will be an open egg donation: I will meet T and her family and I believe we will keep in touch for many years to come. T is also open to me meeting her child(ren) from my donated egg(s) so it's all pretty exciting. I have a lot of thoughts on this but it will take a longer blog post so I shall save this for another day.

changes galore

2009-05-21T15:51:00.002+08:00

Oh well, I knew it was wishful thinking to have everything planned accordingly to my schedule. T emailed to say that the clinic can only accommodate me on 31 July for the first consultation. That is a good 1.5 months away!

At least that gives me some time to get all my travel plans sorted, and also time to build up my strength and stamina (aiming to complete the 50km run/hike next February!), eat well, and produce healthy eggs for T :)

all set to go

2009-05-15T15:20:00.004+08:00

After a lull in the egg donation arrangements with T, I finally got the email that started a flurry of events. T's clinic has agreed to let me do half the treatment with Dr C and the other half with them in London, including the egg retrieval. I'm just really glad that I don't have to spend two full weeks in the UK and that at least I have a familiar doctor who understands my ovaries + follicles. That's a huge relief!

So it's now planning, planning and more planning. I have to make an initial trip to the UK to see T's doctors - Dr T and Dr G. After doing some research (thanks Mr Google) I know that T's clinic is a very large one and has some of the highest success rates in IVF and ICSI in the UK. However, Dr T is quite controversial as he is one of the highest paid IVF doctor (think millions and millions of sterling pound), had several run-ins with the fertility authority and not every patient who has seen him likes him. I take this with a pinch of salt; after all, a doctor of such prominence and who sees thousands of patients a month will surely not be liked by every single one of them, eh?

The dates are tentatively set on 17-21 June, giving me two full days to visit the clinic for the full range of tests I have to undergo (more pokes and prods, how exciting) and another two days to visit family and friends. Hopefully when I'm there the London weather will be kind enough for me to have a ice-cold Pimms at a pub and not look weird drinking it.

The actual treatment should take place some time in July/August. The sooner the better, I suppose. I have another diving holiday in October and I certainly don't want it to be a repeat of the last egg donation when I was bleeding so heavily.

Friday again! Bliss.

stop-gap measure

2009-05-08T15:12:00.004+08:00

Since there's really nothing exciting to blog about - at least nothing related to egg donation, I thought I'll put up the long-due ultrasound picture of my ovaries. This was scanned after the egg retrieval when my follicles were still puffy and enlarged, and while I was gritting my teeth and putting up with the worst cramps and heartburn ever. Gosh, I'd almost forgotten those days of misery!

On another note, it's Friday! Happy days.

it's a waiting game..

2009-04-29T23:45:00.003+08:00

It's not that I have been too lazy to update my blog but there's just nothing to report. It's quiet from T's end because they are still getting clarity on the egg donation process - am I able to do half the process in HK with Dr C and have the egg retreival in the UK? It seems like her doctor wants control of everything, which I can understand why, but for situations like mine certainly some degree of flexibility can be exercised?

On another note, it's a brilliant week in Hong Kong, weather-wise. What a rare day it is to wake up to sunshine and blue skies, cool weather (20 degrees celsius), a soft breeze.. and then my grin can only get wider when I see the weather forecast's prediciton of an entire week of "fine" days. I find it harder and harder to resist the temptation to leave the office cubicle and make a trip to Shek O for some surfing!

other donor blogs and compensation for eggs

2009-04-19T23:02:00.002+08:00

Thanks to @asianeggdonor, I have been devouring as many egg donor blogs as I could read in the last couple of hours. They are such an invaluable tool to help other egg donors start out on their wonderful journey.

One common theme that runs through most of the blogs is compensation. The donors in the U.S. are usually compensated (sometimes quite handsomely) for their time and effort to undergo this process. I have to insert a disclaimer here that I'm definitely not against monetary compensation in exchange for donating eggs but it is illegal for anyone in Hong Kong to sell their eggs/sperm so it is decidedly not an option for me. Of course it will be nice if I can get a bit of monetary compensation for the frequent visits to the clinic, the discomfort from the ultrasounds and injections and the risk of the surgery, but I know deep down it is all about giving something priceless to a couple who yearns to hold a little one in their arms.

I have touched on this issue before, and understandably, it can be a little weird for someone to spend so much time and effort to give up a part of herself without expecting anything in return. Like this (rather self-serving) blogger from the U.S. wrote:

"...surely one wouldn't expect (very many) egg donors to endure some-odd ten weeks of drugs, injections, specifically-timed doctor visits, egg retrieval under general anesthesia, and lost income during this period out of sheer altruism. While I could see doing such a thing for, say, one's own sister, I would kind of wonder about the mental health (or potential martyr complex?) of anyone who volunteered to do such a thing for a stranger -- what is it that this person really wants back? I think you might be getting some crazy-lady genes for your baby. How nice!"

I laughed out loud when I first read it, and I'm still laughing now. It just reminds me how pathetically human we all are - if it doesn't benefit me, why bother at all? But don't you forget, there are millions of people who put aside a part of their monthly paycheck and donate it to the tens of thousands of charities worldwide. A modest sum is automatically debited from my credit card every month and goes straight to two charities: WWF and World Vision. Every once in a while, I dig deeper and donate more to other charities like Save the Sharks. I do this without even thinking of what I will get in return for my altruism. It's not as if a tiger shark will personally swim up to me in my next dive trip and say 'thank you very much for the US$100 you donated, it certainly helped prevent 'em greedy fishermen from finning my wife's sexy dorsal fin', and then do a menacing pose for me to capture on my camera, although I have to admit if a shark did that, I would be SO thrilled. And similarly for the monthly donation to WWF and World Vision, I don't expect pandas to send me a thank you note written with bamboo stalks nor the 8 year-old Nepalese girl that I am "supporting" to give me intricately-made Thanka art pieces.

So is it that difficult to imagine someone who would give her eggs to a stranger for free? Instead of donating money, I'm donating my time and a part of myself. I reckon it's pretty much the same as going to the local dog shelter and volunteering to clean the kennels and walk the dogs every week. The only thing I get in return are the happy dogs greeting me with licks on my hands and the gratifying satisfaction that I have made a difference.

Just reading this entry from a fellow egg donor makes me want to donate my eggs again and again:

"Actually, the other day when I was in for my ultrasound and blood, another patient was in the adjoining room. She must have gotten bad news cause she wailed and sobbed for a good 10 minutes...so loudly that my heart broke for her. I think that's the sound a mother makes when she loses a child. I hope whoever she is, she is able to pick up the pieces and move on to try again. My heart goes out to her. For those that come to my blog to find out if it's the money that drives us--no. If you had been there that morning...you would know it couldn't be about the money. It's about stopping that cry. It's about tears of joy instead of sadness and loss..."

That's some eggs for thought to get you through Monday..

more logistical hurdles to clear

2009-04-19T03:38:00.010+08:00

I certainly didn't expect the second donation to be this laborious to manage. First of all, because T is based in London I have to set up a phone call for both Dr C and her to speak. They managed to connect on Thursday evening and discussed the options for the procedure such as doing the entire treatment in Hong Kong or in the UK, or splitting it (injections/ultrasounds done in HK and egg retrieval done in the UK).

To complicate things, there is a law in Hong Kong which states that only three "live birth events" are allowed from one donor. A "live birth event" is defined as an event of birth in Hong Kong of one or more than one live child from a single pregnancy (so twins and multiples are still considered as one live birth). But according to Dr C, if the embryo transfer is done in Hong Kong it will be considered a "live birth event" regardless of where the baby is eventually born! So if T chooses to do the embryo transfer in Hong Kong, it will add to the number of "live birth events" that is allowed for my donated eggs. I suppose the implications of this isn't of any significant importance - yet. It will only affect my decision to donate for the third time but it's not looking likely at the moment, just because I want my body to have a break from the drugs.

Now, if the transfer happens in the UK I will be required by UK IVF law to have an assessment which means I will have to take a flight to London. It's not a biggie for me especially since I truly enjoy being in England but I doubt I have many leave days left this year to be off from work.

T managed to speak to the egg donation specialist at her clinic yesterday and established that to send the embryos from Hong Kong to the UK will not be the best idea when the alternative is a live transfer in either country. Also, T has certain issues that need to be addressed, e.g. she has high level of cytokines that make her womb hostile to embryos so she needs to be treated before the start of the IVF treatment.

Phew! That's the whole lot to digest for now. I'm just taking this one step at a time and besides, it's really up to T to decide what she wants - whether to do the transfer in Hong Kong or the UK. This is a critical decision as it will mean either one of us will have to spend a considerable time away from home. Like I said, I am definitely not closed to going to London (I was very prepared for it anyway!) but it may get difficult if I have to spend more than a week there.

I have updated on Twitter earlier that T declined to share the donated eggs with H. It was a difficult decision but one that I fully understood - with all these complex issues to clear, there really is no need for another hurdle to be thrown into the mix. T mentioned that Dr C will try to retrieve only 10-15 eggs this time which means there will only be a handful (if at all) which make it to the blastocyst stage. I was actually quite surprised as I thought 20+ eggs is a more decent number; after all, I really don't want to go through all the injections and proddings and blood tests to have no blastocyst at the end!

It has been pissing down with rain in Hong Kong all of Saturday and while it's all pretty glorious to me (I just love the shades of grey in this city), I think it's going to be an awful day for H to realize that she's back to square one with her search for donated eggs. If only there is a way to remove half of all my available eggs in my body all at once and give it to anyone who wants it.

officially a tweeter

2009-04-17T14:55:00.004+08:00

I just have to jump on the twitter bandwagon. With the force of social media rising so rapidly, it'll be hard to ignore the strength of the up-and-coming twitter. Forget Facebook, people. It's twitter (for now). Add me @realgoldengoose

Ashton Kutcher (@aplusk) made a bet with CNN (@CNNbrk) a few days ago, challenging the giant news corporation that he will get 1 million followers before CNN does. He faced a mountainous task because he had 842,000 followers while CNN had 921,000 on Monday. Since then, the numbers have gone up up up till just mere minutes ago, Kutcher crossed the line and hit the magical one million mark.

Both sides promised to donate 10,000 mosquito nets to help combat Malaria. Initially Kutcher was simply going to punk CNN founder Ted Turner with the classic "ding, dong, ditch" prank if he wins. I'm personally glad he turned this new elevated platform to serve a good cause. Kutcher also offered his one millionth follower the popular game Guitar Hero (super addictive, I'd say) and this prompted Electronic Arts to jump into the contest and offer the lucky follower a copy of every game it makes in 2009 AND provide him/her a role in the new Sims 3 game. Talk about being immortalized in a videogame!! Ripper.

What does this all mean, anyway? Like Earth Hour, it may seem pointless and almost counter-productive. But by throwing down the gauntlet, Kutcher has showed the world that we, the people, are firmly in control of the Internet. This is the age where we don't need censorship and where we are able to seek information for ourselves, and more often than not, create them. Governments and corporate giants will seek to cover up their hot messes but the truth will always surface. The shift in how people discover, read and share news, information and content has already started - and today Kutcher has used this to raise awareness for a deadly disease and help combat it. Bravo!

an eff of the ineffable

2009-04-16T23:17:00.004+08:00

Wow - what can I say? I'm sure by now most people know who Susan Boyle is. If you don't, please, I implore you, watch this.
If there is only one YouTube video you watch in your lifetime, it has to be this, really!

I was so inspired I actually cried, and I have since watched it another 11 times (and counting...)

Like what Dr. Robert Canfield, a fellow blogger, wrote:
Every once in a while [a] great cultural moment happens. Iconic displays of the human imagination seem always to be unpredictable. But when they happen they reveal something about ourselves to ourselves...
Such a moment has just happened again, only this time it is a little different. A few days ago a 47 year old mentally disabled woman appeared on a talent show in Britain. Someone described her as fumpy. She wore her best dress, something worn earlier to a nephew’s wedding. She had fixed her hair herself. And she came on stage to sing. The hosts and the audience were kind enough, but pervading the whole scenario was a palpable doubt, even condescension, about this woman. She was a pathetic figure, vulnerable. This was an aggressive audience, expressive; they were ready to drive a performer off the stage. The hosts, the talent judges, were clearly dubious. One of the judges asked this woman her name and where she was from. She was Susan Boyle from a small town -- well, a collection of villages, she said. Then he asked what her ambition was. She wanted to be singer. Who would she like to be like?, he asked. Like Elaine Paige. It was easy to regard this woman as tragically unaware of her own limitations, with aspirations that surpassed her ability. And she was now on stage, on TV. Before a huge audience. Here was a disaster in the making. This would be difficult to watch. [all emphasis mine]

The YouTube video was uploaded on 11 April and by the time I watched it (two hours ago), it has been viewed more than 12 million times. Astonishingly, it is watched again and again by the same people - just like I did.

Dr Canfield surmised it most succinctly (yes, only 312 words!) when he wrote:
As I mentioned yesterday, attempts to formulate why and how Susan Boyle's performance captures the imagination will continue. The question reaches fundamental issues of our understanding of ourselves, our experience as human beings. What makes anthropology fun and deeply rewarding is the sense that we are in some sense probing the essential qualities of humanity -- whatever that is, whatever we mean by it. So the struggle of so many to explain why they cry, why they keep coming back to the same event, to watch the same performance, over and over again, displays the sense of mystery deeply embedded within us. These special bursts of public discussion about such a person, such an event, an icon created in a single episode, reveal what resides within us: a continuous rumination over who we are; we are ever seeking to grasp ourselves. What is this peculiar creature, the human being? Creative, inventive, generous, and also cruel, intolerant, self-serving, bitter. All this I can only surmise -- for knowing no one else I have to extrapolate from my own private world. I presume that everyone else like me carries on this internal struggle to understand, manipulating the tools of imagining that are available, the kinds of things we always use to think with: words, gestures, objects. The anthropological task, I take it, is to monitor whatever extrinsic evidences of that internal calque we can find in others. These overt forms are the devices through which the anthropologist gains access to personal mysteries, private experiences -- elements of the human condition that are usually inaccessible. But when, as in the reactions to Susan Boyle, intense personal feelings burst forth in tears that astonish, we discover dimensions of the human moral sensibility that most of us are unprepared to find in ourselves. That makes Susan Boyle a special event as well as a special human being.

*

My take on this? I was reminded of this passage by Salman Rushdie which I scribbled in my Moleskin back in September 2002:

Five mysteries hold the keys to the unseen: the act of love, and the birth of a baby, and the contemplation of great art, and being in the presence of death or disaster, and hearing the human voice lifted in a song. These are the occasions when the bolts of the universe fly open and we are given a glimpse of what is hidden: an eff of the ineffable. Glory burts upon us in such hours: the dark glory of earthquake, the slippery wonder of new life, the radiance of Vina's singing."
- Salman Rushdie, in The Ground Beneath Her Feet

Watching Susan Boyle sing I Dreamed a Dream has unlocked three out of the five mysteries - the act of love, the contemplation of great art, and of course, hearing the human voice lifted in a song.

Now, I haven't witnessed the birth of a baby - yet - but that desire is partially quenched by the donation of my eggs. It is but a very simple act of giving, selflessly, without prejudice, no judgements, no buts. And I wonder, if such an act of giving has enabled me to have a glimpse of the essential qualities of humanity, how much more mind-blowing it must be for me to witness the birth of an infant? How much more will I be moved, even after watching the unassuming Susan Boyle sing Fantine's song?

Famous Hong Kong actress pregnant at 43

2009-04-16T10:29:00.003+08:00

The usual morning ritual - Nespresso coffee, waiting for Outlook to load all the fresh emails, a quick flick through the Standard before tackling the Sudoku when my eye caught this little blurb: Mum on soon becoming a dad

Curious English aside, what surprised me was that Carina Lau (wife of Hong Kong's superstar Tony Leung, seen in films like Lust, Caution and Infernal Affairs) is pregnant at 43 years old, thanks to the well-known gynecologist-obstetrician Clement Ho who spearheads the clinic that I go to.

While I am aware that recent societal pressures have now made couples (who can conceive naturally) decide to get pregnant and bear children much later in life, I don't fully agree with this trend. It bothers me because I know there are people who are not able to conceive on their own and when they see a fertility specialist, they face a long waiting list for the first visit to the doctor, expensive consultation fees (no doubt driven up by affluent couples who waited too long to have kids and realized that at 45 they have no other option other than to see an obgyn doctor), and the excruciating postponement to receive donated eggs. It just doesn't seem fair to them, yes?

So the moral of the story is, if you can get preggers when you are 28, do it now! Don't clog the system and deprive the couples who truly need medical assistance to have a child.

Carina Lau and Tony Leung - congratulations to the both of you but I certainly hope this wouldn't encourage more people to have children later in life and expect doctors to perform miracles.

bubble corals = enlarged follicles = easter eggs

2009-04-14T17:15:00.009+08:00

Oh it was such a fabulous, fantastic, exhilarating holiday. Once I stepped on the plane, I felt as if I had a new body: no more heartburn, no more cramps, and as cliche as it may sound, there was also a light skip in my step. I was still feeling quite bloated since my period was due very soon but it was such a big relief to be almost 100% again. I sure needed it, seeing how many dives there were all planned for me.

So in 7 days, I did 23 dives and saw almost everything I wanted and expected to see - black-tip and white-tip reef sharks, giant chevron barracudas (and I was right in the middle of a swirling vortex of them!), schools of bumphead parrotfish, eagle ray, big-eye jack (I tried counting but lost count at 3602 - heehee), giant grouper, green and hawksbill turtles, frogfish, clown frogfish, cuttlefish, etc etc etc. At the end of the trip, some of my travelling buddies said they were pretty much "dived out" but I'm sure I can jump right back into the ocean and start all over again.

The only gripe I had about this trip was that my period came on Tuesday, right in the middle of my dive trip. It was a good 12 days after the egg retrieval and not 10 days as Dr C said. The awful cramps aside, I wasn't too concerned about the slight delay as I was actually hoping that it will come later which would have meant more days underwater without my period. But boy, when it came, it was a very, very heavy flow. It has now been a week since getting my period and I'm still spotting! I have to admit I was a little concerned as my period doesn't usually last more than 5 days but I know my body will need some time, maybe 1-3 menstrual cycles, before getting adjusted back to normalcy.

Anyway, whilst underwater I had the chance to come up close with some coral bubbles. They are common corals which I have seen since my very first dive nine years ago but because they've always been there, I never really noticed nor appreciated them. This time I definitely looked closer because they reminded me so much of my (then) enlarged follicles! Funny how nature replicate certain things in such vastly different organisms. Genetics sure is a fascinating field.

M has given me her blessings to go ahead and donate more eggs so now I'm waiting for T to return from her Easter holidays and speak to her doctor before deciding how to embark on the next egg donation journey. This time it will be different, since I will be doing it out of Hong Kong and most probably in London.

I have also been in contact with another lady (let's call her H) who is desperate for an egg donor to help her. She is already 43 and have been on all sorts of fertility treatment to get pregnant, but alas, to no avail. She asked me if T would like to share the donated eggs with her (and also split the cost of the treatment). Sigh! All I can do is ask T, but it is quite distressing for me to be in a position where I can give so much happiness or sorrow to someone else. If anything, my only desire in life is to see more joy in this forsaken world of ours but sometimes I can't help but feel it's a losing battle I'm waging...

Ah well. Back to the humdrum of life in the city. I was smiling when I got off the plane, filling my ears with true-blue Hong Kong Cantonese, but now it's only just one day later and already I can't wait to be back into the deep blue.

Off to the Big Blue

2009-04-03T00:40:00.004+08:00

I'm done with the cramps!! I just want to be surrounded by plenty of fishes, sharks, turtles, bumphead parrotfish...

But I know it's only a matter of time before the cramps will return since my period is due in 2 days. My heartburn is definitely getting better. Dr C called earlier today to check up on me (sounds like I'm always up to no good!) and as usual, she asked me if I was feeling better, and advised me not to take any nurofen when my period comes. Don't want that to agitate the stomach acid level, no no, we don't. I only have one bottle of Gaviscon to last me for my entire diving holiday.

All in all, I think my virgin egg donation experience was wonderful save for the awful OHSS and heartburn at the end. Will I do it again? Yes, in a heartbeat. But I have promised M that I will discuss this with her before going ahead so the ball's pretty much in her court now.

Hello Mr Turtle!! Here I come :D

Getting there

2009-04-02T10:39:00.004+08:00

It was still a sleepless night but at least it's getting better. There were moments when I could actually lie down flat and it was such a joy to sleep properly instead of being propped up with 5 pillows. The burning cramps started at 5am and reached a peak at 8:30am till I gulped some Gaviscon. It's Gaviscon to the rescue again!

M feels really bad that I am suffering and has told Dr C to "take good care" of me. Other than giving me a call everyday, I doubt Dr C can do much more. She has already given me the best treatment with Nexium and by offering to treat me when my GP wouldn't, it's more than I can ask for. It now up to me how badly I want myself to recover. Well, just thinking about doing the giant stride into the big blue and saying hello to the barracudas is enough!

Still can't manage to get a clear scan of the ultrasound of the ovaries. I have to work something out with my G10.

Ah, the good news - M was told that out of the 55 eggs retrieved, there are 32 embryos frozen. Out of that, 19 of them are "Day 2" embryos and 13 are "Day 5" embryos which is essentially the blastocyst. It is defined as "an embryo that has developed for five to seven days after fertilization and has developed 2 distinct cell types and a central cavity filled with fluid (blastocoel cavity). The cells in a blastocyst have just started to differentiate. The surface cells that surround the cavity (just under the outer shell) are called the trophectoderm and will later develop into the placenta. The more centrally located group of cells are called the inner cell mass and will become the fetus". (Source: Advanced Fertility Center of Chicago)

In English, it just means that with 13 blastocyst, M has a damn high chance of getting pregnant! There's quite nothing like some good news at the end of the long dark tunnel.

It's going to be a busy day today with a pedicure, sending the beagle off to his holiday resort and going to the dive shop to sort out my Ikelite housing and strobe.

Definitely not the last visit... yet.

2009-04-01T14:22:00.004+08:00

So, after my last post I developed the worst heartburn ever. The acid must have killed my esophagus and stomach lining as it just hurt so much whenever I tried to eat. The burning sensation was ceaseless and I couldn't even sleep lying down. I made a mountain of pillows on my bed and slept upright. It was agony.

That was Monday night. On Tuesday morning, I took an Antacid and forced myself to eat a banana but after a few bites, the most severe cramps took hold of my stomach. On a scale of 1 - 10, I'd say it's a 9, with 10 being a stake driven through my heart. It was that bad. I made an attempt to go to work but on my way walking to the office, I almost fainted from the sheer agony of it. Time to go to my GP, I thought. But I didn't get no sympathy from him. He pressed my tummy a couple of times, said I'm so bloated and it must be because of the complications from the egg retrieval, and essentially refused to treat me! He told me to go back to Dr C. I told him it's just heartburn as I had a check-up with Dr C the day before already and I was all clear. But no. This guy obviously was too frightened to do anything so he sent me to a gastroenterology specialist. I trugded to the clinic only to find that the specialist only works Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Bah!! I wanted to give up, right there and then.

But being sensible, like I usually am, I went to Watson's and got a bottle of Gaviscon to help with the heartburn. It obviously was a relief but I could still feel the acid churning away in my stomach, threatening to splash back up the esophagus and ruin all the delicate lining. I gave Dr C a call and she sort of reprimanded me for not going to her in the first instance. I told her I really didn't want to bother her anymore as this is just heartburn! She then said I should go in to see her immediately.

I got to the clinic at 6pm (what an ordeal getting there) and waited for about an hour for my turn. She asked me why the sudden turn of events, since I was quite ok on Monday. Anyway she did another ultrasound of the ovaries (still enlarged), took my blood pressure and listened to my stomach. Like I said, it's just heartburn but probably at the chronic stage where the acid has eroded the lining of the esophagus. She wanted to give me this drug called Nexium but they were out of stock and all the pharmacists in Central were closed. Bugger. My only option was to go to the hospital at Old Peak Road but the thought of going there and then back home was just too much, so I said I will get it first thing in the morning.

Now I wish I had gone as it was another sleepless night - all pain and agony and misery. It didn't help that the beagle was snoring a lot. Sigh. This morning I tried to take a bite off a banana but it felt as if my esophagus was lined with millions of tiny glass shreds, and the cramps started almost immmediately. I almost drank the entire bottle of Gaviscon! The Nexium arrived at 10am (through the very kind act of W) and after I took the purple pill, I tried to sleep (upright) again.

I'm now feeling better but my chest and abdomen are still pretty sore. I still have no idea how I am going to travel on Friday and dive on Sunday in this poor condition.

Probably the last visit to Dr C

2009-03-30T17:44:00.005+08:00

I woke up today feeling so much better, as if it's a totally new me. The heartburn was still there, making my every sleeping position hurt save for the only position where I face up. At least the nausea had subsided! I proceeded to have my usual breakfast (banana + oatmeal + flax seed smoothie) and ambled along to Dr C's clinic, with a group of old grannies walking past me at one point. How embarrassing.

Dr C was really glad to see me better and obviously being in good spirits put everyone at ease. She gave me an external ultrasound as it's probably too painful to perform a vaginal ultrasound, remarked on how enlarged my ovaries are still, and that the fluid retention has gone down a great deal. This time I rememebered to ask her for a picture of my ovaries, which I will post tomorrow. Very cool.

She made sure I'm still drinking plenty of water ("1.5l of Pocari Sweat in one evening and my pee is shockingly clear, Dr C!") and advised me not to drink any coffee/tea. Exclamation marks must have popped out of my head because she quickly said it's not good for me and I said I only drink one cup of coffee a day, that's all! So one cup is ok but not more than that. She went into "mother-naggy" mode and said too much caffeine isn't good for you, etc etc, and while it was a little weird to have her "nag" at me, I thought it was quite charming.

Then came the good news. Out of the 55 eggs retrieved, 44 were mature (!!!) and 38 were fertilised. Wow. I almost fell off my chair. That just means M has a very very good chance of getting pregnant! Fantastic. Dr C was positively beaming too, so it was a very happy ending to my egg donation adventure. Of course I have to return six months later for one final blood test to make sure I am not HIV positive before the embroys can be implanted in M, but at this point, it's pretty much the end of the journey.

I told Dr C that I may be donating my eggs again but this time it will be in London. She said it will be a logistical nightmare, as expected, but I'm willing to give it a go if it means so much to someone else.

I may have OHSS

2009-03-29T20:34:00.004+08:00

Ah, I think I'm finally getting it. The nausea, severe cramps (think bad period cramps x 1000), backache, heartburn, headache, bloated-ness (I feel like I'm 6 weeks pregnant) just got to me today. I decided that this is it and I want to know WHY I'm feeling this way. Turns out that I am displaying all classic symptoms of OHSS!

It's funny that I thought OHSS only happens when I'm getting the gonadotrophin injections. How silly of me.

I didn't really want to disturb Dr C on a Sunday but I felt it was a situation where I really needed help. I texted her and she called me promptly, saying I have to see her first thing tomorrow and I will have to monitor my pee. "Make sure it's not tea-coloured, ok?" - yes ma'am.

So, how 'bout that. Drama after the surgery. What do I know..

What is going on with my body?

2009-03-29T16:21:00.002+08:00

I didn't think the recovery will take so long. I have been practically bed-ridden since the surgery and yet I am still getting awful cramps in the middle of the night, prompting me to trudge out of bed, find some cookies in the pantry and swallow a couple of nurofen. Three hours later - repeat

ARGH!!!

The rash on my lower arms are getting better but they are all rather blotchy now. It's itching like crazy and whenever I look at them (hard to miss, eh) I cringe. How am I going to go on my holiday in 5 days' time?! And it's a scuba-diving trip, no less. I can hardly stand upright, much less carrying a 15L air tank on my back.

I want to give up. Is it possible to put me in a coma and let my battered body go through all the recovery and then wake me up? I really can't stand the nausea, cramps, backache, dizziness, rash, itch anymore. Help.

Earth Hour in Hong Kong

2009-03-28T21:00:00.003+08:00

It's Earth Hour in Hong Kong and Victoria Harbour is dark. Even IFC has switched off its lights. The usual smog covering Hong Kong is actually making it darker - what an irony!

Avelox is evil

2009-03-28T15:05:00.005+08:00

Now I am beginning to understand why I felt like s*** yesterday and today. But let me go back to the start. Yesterday evening after dinner I took another 2 neurofen pills (400 mg iburofen) and another 2 more just before I went to bed at 1:30am. The pain was still coming and going, and the nausea was a constant throb at the base of my stomach - but I took it all in stride because it's supposed to get worse before the going gets better, no?

At 4:45am I woke up with severe cramps all over my abdomen and sides, a mild panic attack started setting in, the nausea is starting to rise right up to my back of the throat, and the worst was the back pain that came in spasms. I tried to sleep for a few more hours but it was all rather patchy sleep - I had horrible nightmares - and when I finally woke up at 10:30am I was covered in a horrible bumpy rash! Here's a picture of my lower arm covered in rash. It isn't terribly itchy but to see my thighs, chest, upper abdomen and lower arms covered with it is NOT a pretty sight.

I decided not to take the Avelox this morning and then proceeded to do a ton of research on it. Turns out that I am showing classic symptoms of drug allergy. Funny that Dr C never mentioned that it is such a powerful drug and one that should be taken with extreme caution. Reading through all the side effects that people had after taking Avelox, I know I am on the mild side of the scale but it still scared the jeepers out of me. I texted Dr C, describing to her my symptoms and she called me shortly after to say I should stop taking it (I wouldn't have taken it even if she had wanted me to!) and to take one dose of Zyrtec, an antihistamine to combat the rash.

I have always been very suspicious of drugs and I know my body is totally battered after the weeks of countless injections/drugs/antibiotics/anesthetic, and now this incident gave me another reason to be distrustful of pharmaceutical companies. They are just money-loving, profit-driven, heck-with-the-common-people-we-just-want-your-body-to-be-reliant-on-our-drugs kind of 'tude assholes. Well, not all of them, I'm sure. There must be one or two souls in this industry who genuinely care for the future of humankind and our well-being. But I digress - the point is, every drug should be explained in detail to the patient what it is, its potential side-effects, how it works, etc. We are entitled to that, at the very least. Avelox was given to me in those generic "ziplock"-type sachet with only the label stuck at the front saying "2 Avelox Tab 400MG / DAILY / TAKE ONE TABLET / .....swallowed whole, not chewed". No leaflet, no warning, no indication.

Some will say it's Dr C's fault but I will give her the benefit of the doubt. She was probably too swamped with work and patients on Thursday and as a result, forgot to talk me through this antibiotic. After all, she has been a star, really, always putting my health as first priority.

I guess I am bed-ridden for the rest of the day. No more 7s! :(

aftermath

2009-03-27T21:40:00.002+08:00

I'm definitely not feeling on top of the world, physically-wise. My insides hurt a lot (have been hurting since yesterday after the procedure) and I have this weird-looking rash on my abdomen which can mean just about anything! And because I hurt so much, I have to walk really, really slowly. That is just plain frustrating, especially for someone who walks like the Road Runner (remember that vintage cartoon "Beep, beep" with the fast bird and coyote?). It is rather disconcerting to be on the road and have the elderly, complete with white hair and walking sticks, to be over-taking me. Ugh!!

I am still on a powerful course of antibiotic and because of all the drugs in my body for the past two weeks, I now want to keep my body as drug-free as possible so I tried not to take any painkillers. But the spasms and deep ache just got worse and worse so I took half a day off and slept on the couch for the entire afternoon. I popped some neurofen after lunch (tomato and green peppers soup from Cafe O - yum) for some quick pain relief. But no - the pressure was still there. It's as if I had gone through one of those intense netball trainings I had in the past, you know, those ten sets of fifty stomach crunches with 10 seconds break between each set. And after that the stomach aches like crazy. Every single movement, every laugh, every step, every time I move my feet, it HURTS. ouch. I can hardly stand up straight.

Dr C did say it will get better. I'm hoping it will, soon, because I want to catch the rugby 7s in town.

*

On another note, there is a lady (let's call her T) from England who has approached me to donate my eggs to her. She was the second person to ask after M, and at first I said I won't be donating my eggs again but her sincerity and her tenacity in looking for a Chinese donor just blew me away. Her daughter is adopted from China and T would really like her to have a another sibling with whom she can share a heritage with. I think it's amazing that she would look so far away just to have a Chinese donor. I salute that, and told her that because she is so earnest, I will consider her request once my procedure is over.

And now that it is over, I decided that I will do it for her. The biggest problem is the logistics - should I continue to use Dr C for the treatments and then fly to London for the retrieval or should I get everything done here and get T to be implanted with the embryos? So many questions, so many possibilities...

Fifty-five (quite golden) eggs

2009-03-26T15:51:00.004+08:00

This morning I arrived at the clinic at 8:30am, half expecting the doctors and nurses to be there, all milling around. But there were only two nurses who asked me to fill up a form (when was your last meal, last drink, drug allergies, etc) and told me to wait. I read the papers, completed my Sudoku, and was told to empty my bowels.

At 9:00am, I was told to change into a blue gown and the anaesthetist started chatting with me - he is a lovely old gentleman from England - and gave me a poke on the back of my hand to inject the "magic juice" (that's what he said!), and then I'm ready. Dr C greeted me with a cheerful good morning and asked how I was. I wish I could tell her that I'm shaking hard in my boots as this is my first surgery ever. My childhood was a relatively tame one (the worst I got was a crushed little finger with the xray showing all the tiny bits of bones) so I never really know what to expect in an operating theatre. Anyway it was a matter of seconds when I fell asleep and when I woke up about three hours later, it was all done.

Dr C said she retrieved 55 eggs! Fifty-five!!! Damn. What am I, the super fertile golden goose? Obviously not all were mature but heck, 55 is still a lot. She gave me some pretty strong painkillers and I slept a bit more. When I next came to, I was asked to wait outside for my turn to see Dr C (she was seeing a patient then). When it was my turn and I started speaking to her, I felt so faint and I could feel all the blood draining from my head. A really strong nausea kicked in, I started losing all sensation in my body and I just felt like I wanted to die. It was horrible.. Dr C immediately grabbed me and made me lie on the bed. She ordered me not to move till I got enough rest. Talk about drama! And this was after the surgery.

The recipient of my eggs, M, had a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered to the clinic for me. It was such a sweet gesture. As I lay on the bed covered by a Buzzlightyear blanket with the flowers next to me, I never felt more at peace. I know somehow one of those fifty-five eggs will be golden.

Laying the golden eggs in less than 9 hours

2009-03-26T00:39:00.001+08:00

Here we go! I wonder how many mature eggs there will be after the pick-up tomorrow morning?

Stay tuned, folks!

Poked for the last time

2009-03-25T10:34:00.001+08:00

Last jab at 9:00am this morning. Yay!

My bloated ovaries are starting to make me feel as if I have water balloons implanted inside me. Ugh. Can't wait to get them eggs out.

Just two more days...

2009-03-24T22:03:00.008+08:00

I was prodded for the last time yesteday. Well, the truly last one will be the surgey itself but I will be under, so it doesn't really count. I have twelve eggs on the right, eleven on the left. Not all of them were fully mature yet as each has to be bigger than 1.4cm to be considered so. I did some quick math in my head - if I have twelve on one side and if the average diameter is 1.2cm for each egg, it is almost like having a tennis ball inside me! That kind of explains why I feel pregnant.

The only complaint I have so far is the inability to sleep on my front. My breasts are sore, my ovaries are sore, so the only option is to sleep facing up. Not even on the sides :\

Anyway, when Dr C was measuring the follicles and I was staring at the black/white screen with wide-eyed fascination, I completely forgot to ask her for a picture of my full-blown follicles. dammit. I suppose I will have to donate my eggs again to get that snapshot! I have included a picture of some random woman's follicles for your viewing pleasure though. Don't they look like an x-ray slide of a cluster of bubbles? Just barmy.

*

I had two injections earlier today. First one was planned for 6:30pm - Decapeptyl 1ml - which I suspect is to prevent premature ovulation and Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS). I got home only at 6:40pm and by the time I poked myself, it was 6:50pm. Oops. Dr C specifically said I have a window of 15 minutes for the injection. Funnily enough, she called me promptly at 8pm to say that the surgery will be postponed by half an hour so the delay was perfectly ok! Phew.

The second jab was planned for 9pm (was originally slated for 8:30pm). This is the really important one: Ovidrel 4500IU. It helps follicles mature and triggers the release of mature eggs from the ovaries. It has to be timed 36 hours exactly before the egg pick-up but my beagle was bothering me (howling non-stop) and by the time I poked myself, it was 3 minutes past 9pm. I hope Dr C can forgive this slight transgression!

So now my follicles are releasing the eggs, giving them the first "freedom" at making it in life. Literally. Mind-blowing awesomeness!!

Poked #7

2009-03-22T23:44:00.004+08:00

My ovaries are starting to feel very bloated. It's an odd sensation, as if my period is coming but the fullness is felt at the sides instead of the middle. I have been feeling nauseous all day too which made my little venture to Causeway Bay an uncomfortable affair.

--
I came across this blog on egg donation (based in the U.S.) and interestingly enough, the blogger wrote "...in England, it is legal to donate eggs, but illegal to pay anyone for doing so. And, of course, no one ever donates eggs."

It's funny that she thinks this way because I am donating my eggs for free. Totally free, no strings attached. Really. In any case, it is illegal to pay anyone for their eggs in Hong Kong. I find it quite odd that a fellow egg donor like her wouldn't think that someone would be altruistic enough to donate eggs for free.

I suppose making egg donation a commercial venture is probably the best way to address the severe shortage of eggs in Hong Kong but on the flip side, I can also see many issues that can result in an exploitation of young, ignorant uninformed girls who are desperate for cash. In my (very humble) opinion, a more focused and nationalised approach will be best - the government should create more public awareness which will enable women to voluntarily go forward and donate eggs.

For me, I think the best reward is in truly helping another human being. That is, very simply, priceless.

Poked #6

2009-03-21T23:44:00.005+08:00

I'm now poking myself with three different drugs in one single jab: Menopur + Gonal F + Cetrotide. Here's a little introduction to what the three different drugs do:

Menopur: stimulates the follicles and also helps the eggs mature and release.

Gonal-F: helps to develop more eggs in the ovaries; essentially it is a hormone identical to follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) produced by the pituitary gland

Cetrotide: helps control the body's hormonal responses which affect the development of eggs. It assists the delay of a hormonal event known as the "LH surge". If LH surge occurs too early in a cycle, the eggs will be released before they're expected and that's no good as we want the eggs to be released on the day of the surgery.

It all sound a little oxymoron-ish to me but at this point, I just want to stay as healthy as I can and get to the big day without any drama!

Side-effects of gonadotrophin injections

2009-03-19T17:27:00.006+08:00

It will be my fourth jab later this evening but thankfully I have not experienced any serious side effects (so far!) as there is a teeny weeny chance that I may get Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome, which is defined as a serious complication marked by chest and abdominal fluid buildup and cystic enlargement of the ovaries that can cause permanent injury and even death. Sounds super scary, innit.
The only drama I'm getting from my body is a slight "fullness" around the abdomen. I like to think that my follicles are like little ant workers working really hard, producing more and more eggs by the hour.

Oh, and an update on the thread I posted on the maternity website: I have since received four more enquiries! These are real women who desperately want donated eggs; yet I cannot help them even if I wanted to because of some law in Hong Kong that prohibits more than three 'live births' from the same donor. I truly feel so sorry for them because their only other option is to wait for their turn on the donor list. One of them is desperate enough to ask if I would like the procedure done in Singapore. I will have to think hard about this one.

I wonder, if I encourage my friends to donate their eggs will they think me mad? It's certainly not the same as donating blood! Then again, it's just giving up a part of yourself, your cells, your genes; only this procedure is more tedious and potentially more dangerous.

We sure need a egg donation centre of sorts in Asia.

Prodded - Part II

2009-03-17T08:23:00.001+08:00

So my period finally arrived on 14 March, Saturday. I called the clinic and made an appointment on Monday to see Dr C again. And again, she prodded me. I think I'm somewhat getting used to being a cow.

This is the day I start my daily gonadotrophin injections and it will go on for roughly 10 days. Essentially, gonadotrophin kick-starts my ovaries to make many, many eggs so when it is time for the surgery, they can harvest a maximum number of eggs (usually 20 or more). That also means I will be super fertile. It sounds so strange, doesn't it? Ho hum.

A very nice nurse taught me how to poke myself. I have to say, I'm not terrified of needles but of course I'm not a fan either (who is?). There's just something so sinister about a needle... but like the nurse said, if a grandma with diabetes can poke herself everyday, I surely can too.

Poke poke poke.

Waiting

2009-03-13T05:22:00.000+08:00

Period still not here. Never have I been so keen to have it.

Prodded

2009-03-05T12:42:00.000+08:00

I was literally poked, prodded and jabbed at. I had a full physical exam, blood test and transvaginal ultrasound. The latter was uncomfortable and painful, much worse than a PAP smear, but it was really cool to see my uterus on the small black and white fuzzy screen. Dr C said I have a heart-shaped uterus (???) and she pointed out my bladder, my ovaries, my bowel and other... things. I suppose this is the closest I will ever get to experiencing a baby ultrasound and to be really honest, it was an amazing feeling. I wondered how much more amazing it must be to see an offspring, heart beating, curled up in the womb... *pushes all maternal thoughts aside*

Now all I have to do is to wait for my period. Last period was on 11 February but my cycle is always in a mess - it can be one day late or it can be 2 weeks late :|

Crossing fingers, all the same.

I was counselled

2009-02-25T10:02:00.000+08:00

Talk about a complete contrast to Dr C. The doctor who "counselled" me sure needs some counselling himself. He was so stoic it was actually quite scary. I mean, this is a doctor who will look and examine your most private parts! At the very least, I will want a doctor who is more personable.

Ah well. Another check on the list, another step closer to donating my eggs.

First visit to the doctor

2009-02-20T01:45:00.000+08:00

Dr C is such a lovely lady. She has excellent bedside manners, is gentle, approachable and when she looks at you, you can almost feel all the ruffles and anxieties all smoothed and hushed.

I presented all my questions to her, which were mainly on the legality of egg donation in Hong Kong (information on this is very scarce on the internet). I got confirmation from her that the woman who gives birth to the child will be the legal parent and the egg donor will have no parental rights whatsoever. It was such a relief for me to have that in black and white, and to have it in bold on the documents.

M mentioned in our correspondence that if I wanted to donate eggs, Dr C said I cannot be a virgin. I raised this with the doc because it just didn't make any sense to me. The first thing that came to me was "Why not?!". A quick search on Google seems to point to the fact that there are religious/ethical issues and implications to be reckoned with if a virgin donates her eggs. WTF? As if donating eggs or sperm isn't already subverting all the religious norms. Well, I am a staunch atheist and I don't really care about that; much to my delight, Dr C said it's not because of the religious or ethical issues but because it will be too painful for a virgin to undergo a transvaginal ultrasound. Not once, but several times along the procedure. Ahhhh, so das ne!

There will be a compulsory counselling session with another doctor and after that I will have to go for my first transvaginal ultrasound, full physical exam, blood tests and the whole shebang.

Here we go!

2009-02-12T17:52:00.000+08:00

I've got a reply! In case you're wondering, here's the post I put up on the forum:

Hi,

I am a healthy, 27 year old Asian female, non-smoker, university graduate, etc.. and I would very much like to donate my eggs. Does anyone know which clinics or hospitals I can go to?

Are fertility clinics in Hong Kong allowed to advertise for egg donors?

Thanks.
F.

==

M replied to my post, asking if I would like to donate my eggs to her because she is born without ovaries. I was immediately moved for some strange, inexplicable reason. Here I have, a stranger, a complete stranger who knows nothing about me (aside from my ethnicity and age), asking me for my eggs. How cool is that. I really liked the idea of helping another human being - and not just the superficial, give-up-a-seat-on-the-subway kind of way. This is truly helping someone else, giving a part of myself unconditionally to her.

I'm now communicating with her - she has her doubts about why I would go all the way out to help a stranger, understandably, and I on the other hand, am quite afraid of the child growing up and finding out about me and will look for me and want to start a relationship with me. Eeps. Too much TV, perhaps?

Anyway, I'm due to meet her doctor for a consultation on 18 February. Here we go!

The first (baby) step

2009-01-22T10:55:00.000+08:00

I put up a post on a local Hong Kong website/forum where mothers or mothers-to-be congregate, discuss, gossip, encourage others through motherhood. It is strangely beguiling, this online buzzing community of real, brave women. If this wasn't an online platform, I would have imagined a large cafe with a pretty courtyard full of flowers, tables all filled with pregnant women or women with 2-3 kids in tow, chatting about everything; some will be breast-feeding, some cleaning up the mess the screaming toddler is creating, some kissing a new-born softly on his head. And I would be the one who sticks out like a sore thumb: no kids, only a dog, finding a table where I can be left alone to read yet another book from Richard Dawkins.

That's the first step, this post. Hopefully someone will give me an idea where to start and where I can go to to lay my golden eggs.

How the journey started

2009-01-20T16:10:00.001+08:00

I will be 28 years old in 2009. Up till a few months ago, I have never heard of the term "egg donation".

"Egg donation? What eggs?! You mean eggs can be donated?" I thought when I first heard about it.

It was Dr T. who was visiting in Hong Kong over Christmas who started it all. This fascinating topic came about from our discussion about her friends trying to get pregnant with donated sperm. Apparently the donor laws in Australia have changed recently to include full disclosure of the identity of sperm and egg donors and hence, there have been a sharp drop in donors since. That's when I first heard about egg donation, and with genetics one of my main interests lately, I decided to read up on it.

Of course once I started, I could. not. stop. I just devoured all the readily-available information on the internet and in a matter of days, I decided I want to donate my eggs. The idea is quite.. ideal, for lack of a better word. Here I am, a perfectly healthy woman in her prime and with eggs that are "wasted" every cycle and I don't plan to have kids - I find it such an intimidating task, raising kids and caring for them, loving them and wrapping your life around their vulnerability, breathing life into them till they can walk, eat, tie their shoe-laces, think, decide, till they can fend for themselves - that's a good 18 years at least? That just terrifies me, this huge, enormous responsibility. So if I don't want to have any offspring, why deny someone else who want it so much?

I am a humanist and personally believe that there are too many people in this world. Overpopulation is no doubt, one of the reasons why global warming is accelerating, why there is so much famine and such an unfair unbalanced economy in almost all continents. Humans just don't know when to stop, eh? So donating eggs actually go against all my beliefs. Yet deep down, I know that parents who try so very hard to have kids are perhaps, on some basic standards, good parents because they are very prepared to have kids and it is most likely that the child will have a great environment to grow up in. I may be wrong, of course, but I'm pretty sure that in most cases, I am right. To have a child growing up in such an environment, he/she will have a chance to make a positive contribution to the world, no matter how small. And we all know how much this world of ours needs positive change now, more than ever.

What a rant! But there you go.

Now, how am I going to start donating my eggs in Hong Kong?